Saturday
by Miyazaki A2
Summary: Prequal to Breathing. Shows some important moments in Lee and Sakura's growing relationship after Naruto's departure. Eventual LeeSaku SakuLee
1. Prolouge

**__**

I can't leave this story alone. This is a prequel to my story Breathing.

_ Just to show Lee and Sakura's growing relationship. It felt odd to me for it to just say that she loved him without any real substance to it, so here you go._

* * *

"_**Thank you."**_

_**The words burn in my ears for the length of two entire heartbeats before I feel a sharp jab in my spine, and blackness consumes me as my heart breaks.**_

* * *

I screamed, long and loud. The high, keening noise vibrated in my ears, causing an extreme pain on the inside of my head. I gripped my temples, still screaming, and I realized that tears were streaming down my face like miniature waterfalls. I almost embraced the pain it caused, realizing that it is much better than emptiness. Feeling a perverse sort of gratitude for the distraction, I screamed louder. Ah, yes. The pain in my ears worked well to cloud the pain in my heart. But then I remembered why I was screaming in the first place, and sincerity returned to my voice. The tears cascaded down my face.

It felt like hours before Kaa-san rushed into my room, kunai knife in hand. I realized with a guilty thud that she thought I was in danger. She'd never heard me scream like this. Ever. My screams caught in my throat at the realization, but even the guilt couldn't get me to stop crying.

Kaa-san stared at me with the eyes of a mother and a nurse, looking over me for any sort of damage. Then she realized that my pain was completely psychological, and she dropped her weapon. She sat beside me, and breathed my name as she wrapped her long arms around my heaving shoulders.

"GO AWAY!" I bellowed as I struggled out of her grip, completely blinded and crazed by the saltwater in my eyes.

"Sakura-chan?" she asked, using the long-dormant suffix in her moment of shock and worry. "Sakura-chan, what's wrong?"

Instead of replying, I buried my face in my hands. Kaa-san tried to get me to look up at her, to speak to her, but I ignored her pleas. I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate, but I couldn't seem to breathe right no matter how hard I tried, even though I knew that I'd faint if I couldn't get my lungs to work.

Kaa-san made an odd growling sound. Frustrated, I realized.

"Sakura. _Breathe._"

The venom in her tone got me to stop breathing altogether. I pulled my face up to her level, and I looked at her blankly.

"What did you say?" I asked without a hint of emotion.

"Breathe," she repeated, her dark green eyes fierce with some unreadable emotion.

I nodded.

Inhale…exhale.

Huh. That was easy.

Inhale. Exhale.

It felt good. Why is it just now that I realized that I have to breathe to live? Weird…

Inhaaaaaaale. Exhaaaaaaale.

This could be good. Something to focus on when I have nothing else to distract me. I looked at Kaa-san, and she seemed to be satisfied that I was breathing evenly and by my own power.

"Arigato," she said quietly. "Now"—she scooted to my side and wrapped one arm around my shoulders, her other hand moving to hold one of mine—"do you want to tell me why you were screaming?"

I put my head on her shoulder, the tears now falling silently down my pale cheeks. "Bad dream," I sighed into the cotton of her pajamas.

"About…?" she prodded gently, not trying to send me over the edge, rather to get me to let go of some of my burden.

"Sasuke-kun," I sighed.

I could feel her stiffen. She obviously had no reply ready for that, so she just hugged me tighter.

"Kaa-san?" I murmured.

"Hai, my angel?" she replied, holding me close.

"Do you think you could…leave me alone for a little while? I just…need some time to myself."

She hugged me even closer. "Of course, Sakura-chan. Just come out when you're ready, okay?"

I nodded wordlessly, slipping out of her grip and under the covers. I pulled the blanket over my head, hiding my face as I continued to cry. She patted my back, and then I felt the bed sink and rise as she left my side. The light click of the closing door told me that I was completely alone.

I was such a mess. Naruto left Konoha yesterday, and I didn't bat an eye. I knew that he was coming back, and that when he did, he'd be strong enough to bring Sasuke-kun home. And then that night would be erased. And then my heart would be whole again.

Inhale. Exhale.

I sat up, the tears still falling freely. I looked over at my bedside table, and saw the Squad Seven photo that we took one of our first days as a team. I'd been so happy just to get to stand next to Sasuke-kun and smile, thinking that nothing would ever change.

What a fool I'd been.

I picked up the blessed photo, the memory on paper, and pressed it to my heart.

Breathing became harder as the cold glass touched the bare skin of my collarbone. I shivered. "Oh, Sasuke-kun, why…? I…I love you so, _so much!!_"

I sobbed loudly. My heart broke more and more with each passing tear.

* * *

**_Short, i know, but that's just because i'm trying to get this started. And guess what. I'm actually writing this one as i go!_**

**_Duh-duh-duuun!_**

**_Scandolous, right? So, yeah, that means no more bunny chapters. (Inside joke. Tee-hee.) And past tense? What am i thinking?_**

**_Much ai to all of those who are willing to stick with me on this one. It could take a while for the next update._**

**_Miyazaki A2_**


	2. Anger and a Daisy

My memory of the dark time is choppy, some moments sticking out as deathly important, others sinking into the back of my subconscious like a half-forgotten dream. Sometimes, when I concentrate hard enough, I can remember blurbs of the forgotten day, but I always realize that there is nothing important to remember. Just blurry apathy. Not so sad that it sticks out in my memory as extremely painful, and not happy enough to stick out in my memory as extremely pleasant. Just grey.

I remember being angry all the time. Angry at myself, angry at my mother, angry at Sasuke-kun, angry at everything. It seemed like I was stuck on that phase of grief. I threw things a lot. I think I broke at least two TV's before my mother stopped buying them for me. It's just as well. I couldn't concentrate on the mind-numbing romances that were always on. They only made me angrier.

I remember when I punched my mother. She was asking me to do something…chores, maybe, and I just exploded. Called her mean words and socked her right in the gut. Hard. I remember the look she gave me…not like I was the monster that I felt like, but rather that I was just a little girl who was lost in the supermarket. Like she knew that I was hurting worse than she was. It made me sick to see how accepting she was. It made me hate myself more than I already had. I had run from her, up to my room, and not come out for the rest of the day.

That is one of the sharp memories. Sharp because it had shown me how far I had fallen. Before my heartbreak, I never would have thought of laying an unkind finger on my mother. I would've submissively done whatever petty task she had asked without a second thought, giving some white lie about how I was about to do it on my own.

What had happened to that girl? What kind of monster was I?

Another memory, one that's infinitely more important is the first time Rock Lee showed up at my house, maybe a month after Naruto's departure. My wonderfully perceptive mother had come up to my room with a cautious look on her face, and I sent her a death look.

"Sakura-chan?"

"Nani?"

"There's a boy outside asking to see you. Black hair, eh, dark eyes…?"

There had only been one boy that I could think of with that description, so I flew to the window to see if my prayers had been answered. I stuck my head out the window, straining to see.

And what I saw disappointed me immensely. Green. Lots of bright, pointless green. A stupid bowl-cut. Black, yes. But also shiny and round, not at all the spiky mess I had been hoping for. I slammed the window shut with a groan, and shouted, "Tell him I'm not feeling well!"

I looked back at my mother to see her giving me a disapproving look. "Sakura, that boy came all this way just to see if you were alright. The least you could do is talk to him."

"The least I could do is ignore him, actually." My tone was clipped, and I saw my mother's eyes narrow almost imperceptivity at the indignation in my voice. She unconsciously touched her stomach, and then turned to leave my room. I stayed at my window. I slid the glass up a little, watching as Lee-san fidgeted a bit where he stood, waiting for me. I felt a dull pang of regret as I watched his eagerness. For a moment, I felt protective of my green-clad friend, wanting to go down and tell him face-to-face that I needed to be alone, and that it had nothing to do with him.

But the moment of tenderness passed as soon as Kaa-san opened the door to relay my message to poor Lee-san. If he had had the intelligence to look disappointed and walk away dejectedly, maybe the regret would have stuck around. But he didn't do that. No, Lee-san did the opposite of that. He looked up at the sky, and then back to my mother. He gave her a swift nice guy pose, and then started shouting some nonsense about youth and health and eternal devotion. Feeling sick with myself and Lee-san, I closed the window again, turning away from the spectacle.

I could feel tears pricking at the corner of my eyes, and shook my head, trying to dispel them before they could start down my face. I was so tired of crying. I sat on my bed, scowling at nothing in particular.

_**That was a bit of an overreaction, don't you think, baka-chan?**_ a voice in my head murmured lazily, poking at my resolve. _**It's not as if he was going to say anything to upset you. You should've talked to him. Poor Lee-san.**_

_Whose side are you on?_ I snapped back, causing the voice to die down in submission.

Just then, there was a knock at my door, I looked up and scowled deeper. "Nani?" I growled.

"Can I come in?" asked my mother from the other side of the door.

I sighed. "Sure," I said unwillingly. No doubt she was going to give me a lecture about friendship and loyalty.

She walked in slowly, warning me with her eyes that she was disappointed in me. But she surprised me by not saying anything. Instead, she held out a bright, pretty little daisy.

I stared at it blankly, trying to process what in hell my mother was planning. Was the pollen poison? Or perhaps it was a squirt flower. How did she plan on punishing my antagonism?

When she didn't make a move to attack, I looked her squarely in the eye. "What's that?" I asked quietly, tensed and ready to bolt.

"Your friend asked me to give this to you," she said somberly, escaping my cold gaze by nodding toward the small flower.

I made a small groaning sound and took the flower from my mother without another word.

That is where the memory stops being meaningful and just starts being painful. I cried for an hour about my inability to be involved in a requited love, and then my mother yelled at me to get off my mopey arse and go grocery-shopping. In the course of that conversation, I managed to break my window and slice my elbow. I had to pay for the repair-job out of my own pocket, and I couldn't move my poor elbow for a couple of days. Not a happy memory, as I'm sure you can tell. But it did help me get to the next stage of grief.

Depression.

* * *

**_Lovely place to cut it off, eh?_**

**_I have a terrible feeling that this fic is going to suck. I don't know how the flow is going to work, what with it being based off of memories._**

**_Uh, go ahead and review, if you want, but i don't think there's much to say about this so far. It would seem that i can't manage to write a very long chapter when it comes to non-fluffy, unhappy stuff. How annoying._**

**_Much ai to all R&R-ers. I promise on my honor as a wannabe novelist that this will get better eventually._**

**_For now, enjoy the product of my frustration._**

**_Miyazaki A2_**


	3. Depression and a Dead Plushy

Tears. You'd think your eyes would get used to the sting of the salt after awhile, but you really just don't. I guess if you got used to tears, you wouldn't be crying.

Some scientists theorize that tears are our bodies' way of dispelling excess stress hormones. That's why we always feel better after a long crying jag. Well, I remember crying nearly every day after my teammates abandoned me, and I never felt better. That means one of two things.

1) Scientists don't know what the hell they're talking about and need to study more.

Or

2) My tears were too shallow and meaningless to get me to release any stress hormones.

Neither of these choices is very optimistic. But then, neither was I. Far from it, in fact. But that's how depression works. You look at the world through foggy glasses and wonder if the sun will ever come out. But even if it does, you don't think you'll be able to enjoy it, because you're a foggy person, too, as far as you can tell. You're convinced it's not just the glasses. It's everything. It's your eyes and the atmosphere, too. You can't escape, not unless the sun comes out. Soon, you'll stop believing in the sun.

That's how it was for me for a long time. Kaa-san was convinced that I needed help, that maybe I shouldn't be training so hard with Tsunade-sensei, that maybe it was putting too much strain on me. I ever-so-kindly explained to her that I was only happy when I was training with the Hokage, and that if she was so worried about me, then she could just _leave me alone!_

I can't remember how many times I told my parents to leave me alone. It was so hard to look at them with their seemingly-understanding eyes. They _didn't_ understand. They were each other's first loves, and they married as soon as they realized they loved each other. Neither of them had the right to tell me that it was going to be okay, that I'd get over it.

I hurt them so much. I remember this quite clearly. They could see how hard I was trying to better myself, how thick my happy façade was. Every smile broke their hearts a little more, because they knew it was forced. I wonder if they've forgiven me for that dark month yet…

There was a good side of the dark month, I suppose. Well, not _good, _but decent. The Saturdays. Every Saturday, the doorbell would ring at exactly eight o'clock, and my mother would saunter up to my room and give me the same message.

"That boy in the green jumpsuit is asking for you. He's worried."

And I would always give the reply:

"I seriously just need today to be on my own."

And she would always nod and leave without another word.

I remember always counting the seconds until she would return with a beautiful daisy, just for me. I would hold onto that daisy all day, not even caring that I was cutting down its lifespan. It was _my_ flower, to do with as I pleased. It showed that somewhere, someone cared about me. And that was my lifeline.

Saturdays were the highlights of that dark month. There weren't that many. Only a few. The Dark Saturdays, as I refer to them.

Then there was the Good One.

I remember sitting up in bed at 5:24 A.M. I had woken up from that recurring nightmare, and I was dead-set against risking another. So I sat up in bed, counting my breaths, not thinking. I was half-asleep, barely aware of my surroundings, but I remember looking at the mirror and seeing tear tracks on my pale cheeks, glinting off the early-dawn sun.

An animalistic warmth crept into my chest. My breath caught in my throat, and every inch of my body got hot. Everything turned red. I slapped my hand to my face and wiped away the tears, growling the whole way. I rubbed my eyes until they were so raw that I would probably have to take eye-drops if I ever wanted to cry again. I looked back up at the mirror, feeling strangely spiteful, only to be bombarded with a red, sore eyes and broken blood vessels around aforementioned eyes. I looked worse than I had before.

I remember feeling fed up. With crying. With myself. With feeling so weak.

I threw my pillow at the mirror, knocking over the Sasuke-plushy that I had made when I was younger and stupider. Then I threw a shuriken at the plushy, hitting it right in the head. I growled in distaste as it started to bleed cotton and plastic beads.

_**Neh, baka-chan, I think you've regressed back to the anger phase of grief, **_my second mind informed me, obviously annoyed by the mess the dying traitor-plushy was making all over my bedroom floor.

_I think you're right_, I replied, throwing myself off the bed. I remember sending the traitor-plushy the look of death as I stalked off to take a shower.

To my extreme displeasure, it took nearly half an hour for the water to get hot enough to be bearable, and even then it was still gave me shivers. That's what I get for waking up at 5:30 in the morning, I guess. In retrospect, though, the coolness helped to kill off some of that primeval, probably self-destructive heat. Calmed me down enough that my hands only shook a little bit as I squeezed my honey-and-roses-shampoo into my palm. I was even able to think straight as I stumbled out of the shower, while on a normal day, my mind would be clouded by my attempts not to think of anything painful. Could I possibly be beginning a good day?

_**God forbid we have a good day.**_

_Shut up_, I replied begrudgingly.

My second mind called me a mean word as I walked briskly to my closet. I ignored her shrill voice as I combed through my clothes, trying to figure out why in hell I'd never invested in an outfit other than my red dresses.

_**Why do you care what you wear? Does it matter what you put on your back when you're wallowing in self-pity?**_

_I'm not sure what your opinion on the wallowing is, but I'm tired of it. I'm going to Lee-san today._

_**Oh, so you've finally decided to take some initiative when it comes to your own happiness?**_

I remember telling my other mind to shove it as I finally decided on the sleeveless version of my training dress.

I give the phrase _inner conflict _new meaning.

I dressed quickly, annoyed by the fact that I still had had an hour and a half until I would get my daisy.

The memory gets blurry and unimportant right here. I remember wandering my house, discovering that my parents were still asleep, and then going off to make breakfast for myself.

I remember feeling really annoyed as I sat on my sofa and waited as the clocked ticked relentlessly away. I fidgeted nervously, and then caught sight of some romance novel my mother was obviously reading. I didn't look at the title. Instead, I was distracted by the cover art of some guy sticking his tongue down his girlfriend's throat. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, I flipped the book over to avoid the unnerving image.

Eventually, I heard footsteps on the stairs, and I turned to face my mother as she stomped sluggishly down the steps. She looked up drowsily and met my gaze. Suddenly, she stopped moving. She stared at me like I had an extra head and only two eyes between the both of us. (Two-headed Cyclops.)

I remember quite distinctly the look of relief in her eyes as she finally realized that I was really and truly _downstairs._ (God forbid.) I flinched away from the brightness of her relieved expression—like a cockroach, I decided later—and looked down at my feet.

"Ohayo, Sakura-chan," she chirped, fluttering away to the kitchen to prepare her own breakfast.

"Ohayo, Kaa-san," I replied quietly, trying to bring her back down to earth.

"Sleep well?" she asked from the kitchen.

"No," I said curtly, sharply. All sounds of movement in the kitchen ceased, and Kaa-san reappeared in the living room. She looked at me with confused eyes, studying me. I guess she finally saw my raw, speckled eyes, because she stopped smiling and looked away uneasily.

"Ah," she said, obviously trying to figure out a subtle way to broach the subject of my appearance _downstairs_.

_**Like I'm going to make it that easy on her!**_

_You're a sadist deep down, aren't you?_

"Going somewhere?" she asked. I remember how her voice had shot up a few octaves as she tried to feign nonchalance. For the first time in two months, I felt like laughing.

I cocked my head to the side and remained silent, just to see what Kaa-san would do next.

She stuck out her tongue and walked away.

_**She's probably watching you from the kitchen. Like a hawk. Or a stalker.**_

_That's our mother you're talking about, you know._

I sighed and sunk down into the couch. I shot a glance to the clock. I distinctly remember that it was exactly 7:59.

_**With our luck, he's given up on you by now and isn't going to show up today at all.**_

_I've got a pessimistic sadist living inside of me, _I replied unhappily, crossing my arms over my chest.

I had to remind myself to breathe. Each tick of the clock seemed to cut at me as I tried to remind myself that I was doing a good thing by going to Lee-san, and that there was no excusable reason in existence for me to run back up to my room and hide.

Finally, the bell rang.

I could feel my _dear _mother's eyes on me as I walked slowly forward to get the door.

I had my hand on the doorknob for maybe a heartbeat too long before I finally just swung it open.

He was looking towards my bedroom window when I first opened the door, but was instantly distracted by my appearance. And you know what? The strangest thing happened when I met his wide-eyed gaze.

Happiness.

* * *

**_Does this count as a cliffhanger? I'm not sure...at least it was longer than the other two..._**

**_Uh, i like this chappy. It was easier to write than the Anger one. And I actually did--drumroll--RESEARCH on crying for the first few paragraphs. That was fun.._**

**_Next chappy, i promise our dear Lee-kun will get to talk._**

**_Until then,  
Miyazaki A2_**


	4. Warmth

When Ino-pig and I were younger and inseparable, we used to go swimming at least twice a month. We pretended to be mermaids. Ninja mermaids, of course, but mermaids nonetheless.

We used to have competitions to see who could hold their head underwater the longest. At first, we each lasted about five seconds before our tiny lungs got the better of us and would force us to propel ourselves into the comforting oxygen of the surface-world.

As we continued to compete, our lungs could hold out for longer and longer. Our lungs got used to the stifling burn of oxygen-deprivation. But eventually, every single time, the strain would become too much and our bodies would force our heads up to the surface.

The relief of resurfacing was always immediate and overwhelming. It left us speechless for a good minute as we gasped greedily at the air, trying to make up for lost time. And our bodies were always begging us to stay where there was air, not to risk the burn again.

This works as a perfect comparison to the first time I found Lee-san waiting for me on my stoop. Like I had just resurfaced after a long time underwater.

It felt so unbelievably good that it left me speechless, my voice stolen from me as I gasped for something to say. I could see Lee-san smile at me and could hear his excitement as he sent me a cheerful _ohayo_, but I could not move to return his enthusiasm. No matter how many breaths I had counted in my two months of loneliness, this was the first time that I felt like I could really breathe.

Seeing my lack of response, Lee-san backed down and frowned thoughtfully. Slowly, he stuck his hand in my face and snapped, causing me to jump and yelp. I started to fall backwards, but Lee-san was quicker than gravity. He skipped forward and grabbed me by my upper arms, pulling me easily into a standing position.

"Eh, gomen, Sakura-san," my green-clad friend said, blushing slightly as he removed his hands from my bare skin. "I didn't mean to scare you."

I looked at him without smiling and said, "Don't worry about it. I was spacing out."

He smiled warmly for a moment, and then his body tensed up in a sudden, jerky movement. "Sakura-san," he said quietly, digging through his shuriken holster, "I wanted to know if you would—ahem—like to take a…walk with me?"

Finally, he found what he had been searching for, and he pulled out a crisp white daisy. He held it in the space between us, tension rolling off of him.

I stared at the flower, distracted by the odd warmth bubbling just beneath my skin. It was completely foreign to the wild heat of fury I was so accustomed to.

I finally reminded myself to drag my gaze back up to Lee-san's wide, anxious eyes. The poor guy looked like he had just asked for a lap-dance by how deep his blush was, and by how keen he was on avoiding my eyes.

For the first time in two months, my smile was unforced.

"Sure, Lee-san. Why not?" I reached forward and took the inoffensive little flower from him, one of my fingers just barely grazing the skin of his thumb. He blushed and backed away again, as if the space between us was ideal to our health.

He still grinned, though. "I'm so glad," he said placidly, looking over me with his admiring eyes. "I haven't seen you in so long. No one has."

I felt an instant pang of guilt at his words, and my smile fell from my lips like a ton of bricks. I replaced it in an instant, but it was shallow and unwilling. "Yeah, Lee-san. It's good to see you, too," I said, pretending to be overly-cheerful. I fiddled with the flower in my hands, and then looked back up at him. "Just let me go put this in a vase." _**A vase for a daisy? Good God, woman…**_

I backed into the house, standing to one side so he could get through. It took him a few heartbeats too long for him to realize what I was doing, and he nearly tripped all over himself when he finally got the idea. Somehow the poor guy made it inside without injury, though it was probably just luck.

I almost laughed as he stood there, gaping that the well-kept house. His gaze drifted over every little knick-knack and trinket as if it were a treasure. I could see a small, appreciative smile on his face when his eyes drifted to the family photos.

"You have a beautiful home, Sakura-san," he said, his adoring eyes finally finding their way back into mine.

A strange, warm tingle ran up my spine as I replied, "Arigato, Lee-san. Wait here."

He saluted me as I walked briskly up the stairs. Once in my room, out of Lee-san's comfortable, warm presence, the icy feeling of loneliness starting to dig back into my spine.

_**What are you getting excited about?**_ My second voice demanded bitterly. _**It's just Lee-san.**_

My room was so dark. I cannot remember why I'd invested in those heavy curtains after fixing my window. They made everything so dark and cold.

Like me.

I hurried to nestle this daisy in the others in the vase my mother had insisted on providing me with. As I moved, I noticed my poor abused doll.

I remember staring at it, half of me wanting to jump on it, crying and apologizing, while the other half wanted to walk away on the spot. The latter won, causing me to carelessly throw the daisy's stem into the vase, turning around as soon as the deed was done. I hurried away from the fluffy mess on the floor, back to the bright light of my living room. Back to the warm aura of Lee-san's presence.

Again, the strange warmth built up in my chest as I walked closer to him. I tired to disregard it, but it was hard to ignore. It was much too pleasant. He was talking to Kaa-san, which bothered me a little bit. She was so sneaky.

"Ano, Lee-san? I'm ready to go."

He looked over at me and grinned.

"Great!" he said, his body literally _quivering _with anticipation. He turned back to my mother and gave a respectful bow. "Sayonara, Haruno-sama," he said in his most professional voice.

"Ja na, Lee-kun," Kaa-san replied. The suffix made me groan inwardly. _C'mon, Kaa-san. That's Lee-san. _She sent me a meaningful look as she made her way back to her lair—the kitchen—and as Lee-san walked to the front door. I followed the latter and altogether ignored the former.

* * *

"Learned any new forbidden moves recently?"

Lee-san looked back at me, seemingly relieved by the teasing edge to my voice. The entire day, every time I said anything mildly pleasant, he would act as if I had just finished a day of rehab or something. It was sweet how worried he'd obviously been for my mental and emotional health all this time, but still…it was a little creepy.

"No, no, not yet. Gai-sensei doesn't want to push our luck."

_**I love how he says 'our.'**_

"Neh, Sakura-san…I heard you were Hokage-sama's apprentice now. How is that going for you?"

I stretched my arms exaggeratedly and let out a moan. "It's hell on my body, but I'm seeing a long of improvement on my fieldwork."

He grinned, strangely proud of _my _improvement, as if it somehow affected him personally. It was amusing in a strange sort of way. I found myself actually _giggling _at him behind my hand. It was hard to resist the bubbly warmth under my skin when I was so unbelievably at ease. It felt like there was nothing in the world but me, Lee-san, and the pavement beneath our feet. That was my world that day. There was no traitor, no lost love, no darkness, and no pain. No, it was warm, bright, relaxed, and green. Very green. We went through gardens and nurseries, trying to surround ourselves with the pleasant aromas of beauty and calm. It worked well to clear my head of all the bad things in the world. And of course, it worked to fill my head with good things…like how Lee-san was the definition of the word _gentleman_. He always made sure to hold doors open for me when we went into shops, and when we were walking on the sidewalk, he always made sure to walk on the street side. And he never touched me after my little half-fall. That was nice of him. Unassuming Lee-san. He knew it wasn't a date, and I silently thanked Kami-sama for his intuitiveness. It would have been too much for me if he had taken my hand or something.

We were in the park by the time we realized that it was close to dark. In the distance, I could hear the gentle strumming of someone's acoustic guitar. I'm not sure what the song was—it was too faint to tell—but it fit well in the dimming light. It was gloomy, but dripping with hope. In retrospect, it reminds me of myself that day.

I looked at Lee-san, awed by how natural he looked in the woodsy background. The setting sun glinted off his face in a strange, dreamy way that sent shivers up and down my spine. What the hell was _going on_ with me?!

Lee-san glared balefully up at the sky as he said, "I should probably take you home now. It's getting late."

Realizing that I had been staring, I followed his gaze to the color-changing sky. You could already see a pale outline of the moon. It was just a crescent, and I remember wondering if it was waning or waxing. "Yeah, I guess so. It hardly seems like it's been a whole day." I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. "I can't believe you actually went an entire day without training. You, _the_ Rock Lee?"

He chuckled and once again gave me that relieved smile that was reserved only for me. "About that, Sakura-san…I was done training long before I came and picked you up."

I blinked at him. "My _gawd_, Lee, how early do you get _up?_"

He laughed easily but made no move to reply, which made me suspect that it was much earlier than I would ever wake up. He started walking into the opposite direction, causing me to fumble after him, rudely removed from my reverie. Once I was by his side, he started walking a little slower, as if to drag out our remaining minutes. I did not think to appreciate the gesture—I didn't know how hard it would be to say goodbye yet.

Needless to say, it knocked the breath out of me when Lee-san left me on my doorstep, turning away from me so easily. All I could think off was another black-haired, dark-eyed boy walking away from me just as easily, and the comparison left me gasping for air for the second time that day. It took me all of my willpower not to just run after him to retrieve the warmth, the comfort.

Everything was so cold when I walked into my room. And, I noticed with despair, there was not nearly enough green for my preferences.

* * *

**_There. Slightly happier than the last few chappies, but of course i had to ruin it with the end. Tee-hee._**

**_Eh, what sucks about this fic is that i have several conversations that i have already written, but they can't happen until Lee and Sakura's relationship is a bit more developed. Which means i have to deal with this awkward healing phase for a while longer...ech._**

**_Wish me luck. I need it.  
Miyazaki A2_**


	5. Fetal Position

When we are developing in our mother's womb, our bodies are curled up with our backs curved, the legs tucked in as close to the abdomen as possible, and our arms wrapped around our heads. This positioning of the body provides protection to the brain and vital organs. Because of its origination with unborn children, this pose is commonly referred to as the fetal position.

It is human instinct to go into this position when faced with extreme stress or trauma, whether mental, emotional, or physical. The fetal position subconsciously reminds us of the months when nothing could touch us but the gentle, constant _thump-thump_ing of our carrier's heartbeat. The position also makes us feel small, as if whatever bad things that are lurking our there will just overlook us.

Above all, the fetal position makes us feel safe.

I could write a frickin' book about the fetal position.

I honestly don't know how many hours I spent in the fetal position, trying to hide from everything and anything. It was a little difficult to breathe sometimes, since I was forcefully digging my knees into my lungs, but the false sense of security was worth it.

I even slept all curled up, as if my demons were low enough to attack me in my sleep if I didn't hide. Of course, despite my sincerest of efforts, that recurring nightmare always found me. And I would always wake up in the middle of the night and pray for insomnia, just so I wouldn't have to go through that night of loss ever again.

I clutched my Sasu-doll, having sewn up the wound in its head in one of my calmer hours. I hadn't been able to get the fluff and beads back inside him without making the hole bigger, so the poor thing was limp and thin in my arms. Not nearly as fun to snuggle as he had been once upon a time. He now fit easily between my thighs and chest as I clung to my calves.

Just then, I heard the familiar beeping of my alarm clock. 6 A.M. Funny how I invariably woke up long before I had planned to. I slowly lifted my head and peeled one of my arms from my calves. I lightly pushed the _off_ button on the alarm, and was about to curl up again when I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror in front of my bed.

The girl looking back at me was pale. That was the first thing I noticed. So deathly pale that her skin seemingly glowed against the dark canvas of her bedroom. She was thin, too. Despite the muscles that she was developing every day, she was so _skinny_. Obviously her muscles were the long, wiry kind. Or maybe she wasn't eating…she had deep, dark shadows under eyes, making her look gravely ill and sleep-deprived at the same time. Her hair and eyes looked unnaturally dark against her pale skin, yet another side-effect of refusing to eat.

It was hard to accept that I was looking into a mirror. I've never been vain, per se, but I was used to being relatively good-looking, even to myself. the girl in the mirror, however, looked like a disaster. A total and complete disaster.

I couldn't summon the destructive heat of fury that usually fueled me in times of distress. Instead, I curled back up—like a turtle, I decided later—and hid from the ghostlike girl in the mirror.

I'm not sure when exactly I started crying. It just seemed to be an automatic response to the strain on my psyche. It didn't bother me that much—at least the warmth of the tears helped to downplay the frigidity of my bedroom.

I think I was only semi-conscious at that point, because I have no memory of the following tour hours, though I am absolutely certain that I never fell asleep. On my honor as a kunoichi of Konoha, I can promise that I never shut my eyes.

The doorbell nearly made my heart stop as it broke through my deathlike trance. My head shot up in an instant, causing the dull ache near my temples to sharpen. My arms fell away from my calves as I reached up to grip my head, moaning quietly.

It was not at all helpful when I heard the gentle knocking on my bedroom door.

"Come in," I said through gritted teeth, curling back up as my mother opened the door.

She looked me over once or twice. "Oh, you're still in bed," she said, and then she turned to leave.

"Wait, Kaa-san. What did you want?"

She turned back to me slowly. "Your friend is here again, but you're obviously in no position to be going anywhere."

My limbs fell limply to my bed, and my Sasu-doll tumbled to the carpet. "_Nani_?! Lee-san's here?!" I shot out of bed—causing my head to spin—and fumbled to my calendar.

_Aw hell! It's Saturday!_

_**You're screwed, **_my second voice notified me as I shot a panicky glance to the clock. 8:01. _**You gotta hand it to him, Lee-san's timing is impeccable.**_

My horrified gaze drifted back to my mother, who was watching me with half-worried, half-amused eyes. "Okasan," I said quickly, trying to be as respectful and speedy at the same time, "could you please, please, _please_ ask Lee-san to wait for me?!"

She glared at me through narrowed eyes. "That's hardly fair to Lee," she said coldly.

I just stared at her, trying to portray through my wide, desperate eyes how terribly important this was to my sanity. She just shook her head and said in a clipped tone, "Fine. But hurry."

"Domo arigato, Okasan! I love you so much!" I shouted as I ran into my bathroom.

In the corner of my mind, I remember her stunned face caused by my rushed declaration of affection. Not a good memory, seeing as I couldn't remember the last time I had said that to her.

* * *

Half an hour of rushed scrubbing and dressing later, I was running down the stairs, praying that there had been no sudden lapse in Lee-san's patience. My movements seemed too heavy and slow for my liking, and I was terrified that he would leave before I could get to him. Tears stung at the rim of my eyes at the idea of missing out on a chance to bask in the warmth that was my dear green-clad friend. That would be too much for me to handle. The tears had brimmed over by the time I finally reached the bottom of the stairs.

But of course, he was there, sitting patiently on my couch. My relief was so intense that my body pushed a small moan out of my throat. This instantly alerted him to my presence. He was on his feet in less than a heartbeat, and in front of me before I could take my next breath.

He studied my haggard appearance, obviously distressed by the transformation that had taken place since that last time he'd seen me, just a week ago. He touched my cold, wet cheek, pain obvious in his wide eyes. He didn't like seeing me like this any more than I did. Slowly, he stuck his weekly daisy behind my ear, using my hair to keep it in place.

This wordless display of affection sent me over the edge. Before I could register what the hell I was doing, my arms were around him, and I was sobbing. I buried my face into his green chest and let my tears soak his clothing, only dimly aware of the tension in his spine caused by my distraught touch. I did, however, notice quite profoundly when he wrapped his strong, yet very gentle arms around my frail, heaving body. He rubbed the small of my back with one hand, and left the other on the nape of my neck, caressing the hollow under my ear with his surprisingly soft index finger. It felt so good, this little show of tenderness, that I cried even harder.

Happy tears are so much warmer than ones caused by depression.

* * *

**_This is such a depressing fic. Will it get better soon? Well...eventually._**

**_Ah, for those who don't know, Okasan is a more polite thing to call your mother than just Kaa-san._**

**_Much ai to my fellow Narutards,  
Miyazaki A2_**


	6. Meal

**_Uh, be warned, this chappy isn't really going anywhere. I needed it to get to the next one i want to write. A transition chappy, that's what this is._**

* * *

I am a person who thrives off of routine and consistency. As long as the sky is blue and the grass is green, I will find a way to be content. Change is not a fun thing for me, and I tend to be terribly stubborn on that front. My bedroom has always been painted the same color, I've never once thought to box away my multitude of stuffed animals, and of course, I like to wear similar outfits everyday.

When things are taken away, it's always mildly catastrophic. I would go into the whole 'I can't believe she took my pacifier away' rant, but I'm sure you're not interested. God knows _I'm _not interested.

I think my love of constancy played a major role in why it hurt so badly to lose Sasuke-kun. After all, he was the biggest constant in my life, the man I was sure I was going to marry and grow old with. I mean, what is love if not the desire to see the same face and hear the same voice every day for the rest of your life? And Sasuke-kun was that face for me. Losing that sort of bond is nothing short of devastating.

So, without him to focus all of my energy on, I found a new routine, one that I'm sure you realize was much more self-destructive than chasing a love that was likely never to be returned. No, this one would probably cause me to go literally insane if I wasn't stopped. That, and I would probably never be able to stand up straight again.

It was strange, then, to be goaded into a new routine with Lee-san. Every time we said goodbye at the end of a Saturday, I was sure that I was back to being alone in the world. For some reason, I couldn't process the idea that I was worth the effort and time…let alone the adoration that brightened his dark eyes whenever he looked at me.

His obvious affection for me bothered me a bit in the beginning. I didn't want it from him—after all, he was the wrong dark-haired boy. He was the Genius of Hard Work, not the Genius of the Uchiha that I pined for. I appreciated Lee-san so much, and I wished there was something I could do to repay his kindness and patience…but he wasn't the one I wanted.

But Lee-san seemed to accept that. He knew that my heart didn't rest with him, and he took my disinterest in stride. He never did anything that would make me uncomfortable, never once tried to blur the lines of our relationship. No, my Lee-san was much too much of a gentleman. He was happy just to be near me, to know that he was the only person who could make me smile when I was so obviously in pain.

Despite both of our best intentions, though, our relationship was starting to change. I didn't know what was happening, but I knew it felt good. The weekdays seemed to pass more quickly, as if time was speeding up for my sake. And that was how I wanted it. For some strange reason, my life seemed centered around the clock and the calendar. My body was constantly tensed and wound up, waiting for the hour hand to hit that 8. Then and only then would my body relax. I figured it was only because of the warmth that I so desperately required, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was more than that, somehow…

"Sakura-san?"

I jolted, ridiculously surprised by his gentle voice. My chopsticks plummeted into my vegetable ramen, splashing me just a little. Shaking my head, I looked up to meet Lee-san's amused eyes.

"Zoned out again?" he teased, quickly poking me in the middle of my wide forehead from across the table.

I smiled wryly. "Just a little."

"A little? You jumped up a foot in the air. Were you even conscious?"

I kicked him in the shin. He didn't even wince. I'm not sure if he even felt it…or if he did, he was intent on treating me like a wuss.

"Just eat your curry, dobe."

The last word that usually belonged to my dark-eyed teammate sent a stab of pain through my chest, only warded off by the warmth that radiated off of Lee-san. That inner sunshine of his seemed to burrow into the hole in my chest, keeping me from bleeding.

This was going to hurt a lot when Lee-san said goodbye tonight. "Your words wound me, Sakura-san," Lee-san whined jokingly, doing as I commanded by taking a bite of his masochistically-hot food.

_**You and me both, dude.**_

We sat in silence for a while, each of us lost in our own little worlds. I found myself watching him eat rather than focusing on my own lunch. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were all watery, and I couldn't help but wonder how he could keep eating that stuff without spontaneously combusting. I remember my stomach doing a few somersaults at the idea of all those spices in one place. I purposefully returned my attention of my own food, rather than get caught staring.

Lee-san and I were regulars at this little diner, showing up every Saturday at exactly a quarter past noon, always sitting at the same little booth in the far corner of the building. Lee-san and I are kindred spirits when it comes to the consistency complex. The diner was owned by an elderly couple, who seemed old enough to have babysat my grandparents. They were such sweeties, despite the age, always insisting that we refer to them as Obachan and Ojisan. They called Lee-san and I by our first names, yet deciding to use the 'chan' honorific for both of us, since they were so freaking old. Lee-san nearly had a heart attack thee first time Obachan called him Lee-chan. My ramen flew out of my nose at that point. I think he thought that he'd been mistaken for a female, and he was mildly traumatized for the duration of the meal.

As nice as the little old couple was, they were painfully old-fashioned. For some reason, they honestly could not fathom that a boy and a girl could spend so much time together on such a regular basis without there being some romantic undercurrent to their relationship. I really don't know how many times Ojisan mentioned catering for our _wedding_. Though I'm sure that Lee-san liked the idea way deep down, outwardly he was as mortified by the suggestion as I was. (Though I swear he winked at Ojisan.)

But the food was too good and the owners were too nice for some occasional awkwardness to keep us from coming back.

As soon as Lee-san popped the last bite of his ludicrously-spicy curry into his mouth, I started to get a little antsy. I always finished eating before him—since he chose to savor _each and every _bite—and I was not the sort of person who could sit around and talk after a meal. I had to move around or I'd go crazy.

_**Well, crazi**_**er.**

_Remind me _why_ I keep you around…_

Lee-san quickly flitted away to the front to pay, leaving me to tip. That was always the arrangement, though neither of us had ever acknowledged it out loud.

I caught up with Lee-san easily as he fast-walked out of the diner. He seemed more cheerful than usual today, which by association made me just a bit happier. I still am not completely sure why he was so chipper—I couldn't manage to get a straight answer out of him if my life depended on it that day.

Though, at one point, he mentioned that it was getting colder. For some odd reason that I couldn't even begin to guess, the man who was made out of sunshine liked it when it was cold. I tried to get more out of him, but he responded with a question.

"How long has it been since the Chunin Exams?"

I don't remember having a ready reply. Lee-san…Lee-san never, _ever _mentioned the Chunin Exams.

"About five months, don't you think?" he answered his own question.

"What does it matter?" I asked quietly, hoping that he wouldn't lose his good mood because of this touchy subject.

"Well, how often do the Chunin Exams come around, Sakura-san?"

"Eh…_oh_." My eyes widened. "It's coming soon then."

He immediately stopped walking, and turned to face me. "We've got to do our best, Sakura-san. So, I think that it would be best if, maybe, we trained a bit more…what do you think?"

I looked at him with an incredulous expression. "About what?"

He laughed, some of the tension dissolving. "Training with me. Maybe I could help out your taijutsu?"

"Because I simply suck at taijutsu."

He smiled but made no move to deny my statement. "So, what do you think?"

I touched my chin as if to think, causing Lee-san to lose his smile, replacing it with a worried line. Finally, when I decided that I'd made him question his self-worth for long enough, I shrugged. "Okay, sure. But you have promise not to go easy on me. I really want to test my skills against someone other than Tsunade-sensei and Shizune-senpai."

Lee-san smiled that smile that only I was allowed to see, and then stuck out his arm, bent like he was going to ask for an arm wrestling competition.

"Okay, then. I'll give it my all."

I knew that he would only give me about half of his all since he had neglected to give me his 'nice guy' pose, but that was alright with me. I knew it would still be a hell of a challenge to keep up with even that much of him. Knowing this, I took his hand and grinned at him. The deal was set.

"Let's go earn those itchy flak jackets, Lee-san," I said, still gripping his bandaged hand.

He grinned wickedly. "Let's."

* * *

**_...I think i just wrote a...happy chapter._**

**_AH!! GAWD IS DEAD! SOMEONE SAVE US!_**

**_There is no saving you poor, pathetic souls. So go ahead and bask in the lightheartedness. i think the worst is behind us._**

**_Maybe.  
Miyazaki A2_**


	7. Fickle

Sparring really wasn't a good thing for me. As a medic nin, I'm more comfortable with dispelling harmful genjutsus and sucking out poison than throwing my fists around. Tsunade-sensei makes sure to teach me all sorts of things, not just medical ninjutsu, but seriously. Taijutsu is just not my forte. I'm slow as a slug, which is fitting in a way, looking at who my mentor is, and what scroll she had me sign. Sure, maybe I can crush rocks with just about any part of my body, but that doesn't exactly take a cheetah.

Lee never _could_ understand this. After all, speed comes as naturally to him as breathing. There's no way that he would ever understand what it's like for a Slug-Princess like me to try to keep up with a Green Beast.

"I'm telling you, this is a lost cause, Lee-san," I said as I twisted mid-air to dodge one of his blows, though of course it still clipped my hip. As I landed, I used the ground to push off for a roundhouse kick to his head, though of course he dodged as easily as if my leg were a mosquito. "I'm just too slow."

"You're too hard on yourself," he replied as he grabbed my leg and used it to send me flying to the grass—somehow still managing to be gentle with me. "Try to remember who it is you're fighting," he continued as I tried to sweep him off his feet with a low kick to the ankles. He barely had to take a step to the side in order to dodge.

"Yeah, yeah, Rock Lee, the taijutsu specialist, the Genius of Hard Work. Spare me the details of your divinity, please." I somehow managed to get back to my feet in time to block a karate chop to the skull. But of course, being the taijutsu master that he was and is, he got around my block with his other arm and sent a crushing sideswipe to my ribs. We could both hear the sickening _crunch _as his arm sliced through the bone of one of my ribs, and I barely had time to see the horrified look on his face before I went flying to the side. I landed in an undignified heap, managing somehow to twist my poor wrist on impact.

"Sakura-san!" he shouted as he ran to my side. "Are you hurt? I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hit you that hard! I'm really sorry! Do you need me to take you to the hospital?"

His pathetic cries would probably never stop flying out of his poor mouth if I didn't make some attempt to move. So, cradling my broken rib with my un-mangled hand, I slowly started to crawl into a sitting position.

Lee-san was faster than me, as always, so he was there to help me into a sitting position. He was right behind me, in the perfect place to be used as a backrest in my woozy, wobbly state. He tensed up when I leaned my back up against his chest, but then again, he was probably tense long before he got to me. After all, he had just hurt me much worse than he had ever wanted to. (Then again, even if he had only managed to give me a paper cut, that would still be more than Lee-san would ever want.)

Not wanting to cause Lee-san any further brain-damage, and slightly annoyed by the flood of apologies that was pouring out of his mouth, I raised my hand and said, "Lee-san, please shut up. I'm perfectly fine. Just give me a chance to fix myself up, and we can keep going."

He would've further bombarded me with all degrees of _sorry_, but I leaned my head back so that it pressed into his throat. From this position, I could just barely look into his eyes. "I'm seriously not mad at you, Lee-san. _Please _stop apologizing. I need peace and quiet so I can concentrate."

This caused his jaw to snap closed with an audible _click. _He shook his head quickly, breaking from my gaze, and then scooted back and to the side, holding my up by my shoulders. His arms didn't give me nearly as much support as his chest had, but it was enough that I didn't topple over in pain—because my side was really starting to hurt like hell.

I pressed my uninjured hand to my ribs, wincing in pain when I fingered the broken one. I concentrated on nothing but the fracture, focusing my chakra to that spot like Tsunade-sensei had taught me. I tried to visualize the bone like she said to, tried to feel everything like I was supposed to. It took longer than it should have to heal—since after all, it was only my first time healing myself—but eventually I could feel the last of the bone cells reconnecting as I finally undid Lee-san's damage.

Suddenly, Lee-san's hands stopped being supportive and started just being warm. It was pleasant in the crisp weather, but at the same time, my notoriously fickle second mind was bothered by him touching me when it wasn't completely necessary.

"Ano, Lee-san, my rib is fine now. You can let go of me."

He removed his hands from my shoulders as quickly as if I had just told him that I was secretly a leper.

_**There's only one guy I want holding me when I'm injured! Shannaro!**_

_You're terribly fickle. Besides, if Sasuke-kun had broken my rib, he most likely would've thrown a roll of bandages at me and told me to make it quick so we could keep sparring._

_**Not to mention that Sasuke-kun would never spar with me to begin with. If he ever broke my rib, it'd probably be because he meant to.**_

The truth of my minds' words sent a burst of icy fire through the hole in my chest. The abruptness and intensity of the pain was so great that not even Lee-san's inner sun could save me. I let out a gasp, suddenly unable to breathe, and tears began to cascade down my face with enough force to power a water-generator.

"Sakura-san?! What's wrong? What can I do to help? What hurts?!"

"NOTHING!" _**EVERYTHING!**_

His hands were back on me, then, one cradling my sprained wrist, the other around my shoulders. "Please tell me what's wrong so I can help. Is it about our spar? You were doing well, Sakura-san, you really were. If you'd been up against nearly any other genin, you probably would've overpowered them long before I was able to…hit you." His voice is full of regret and unspoken apologies and promises of retribution.

His encouragements only added shame to my self-aware misery. As my crying got harder, I leaned into his side to stain his shoulder with my useless, freezing tears, and I could actually feel the lines in our relationship slowly beginning to blur. This, of course, made me sob even more hysterically, because he was still not the boy I wanted to go around blurring lines with. Everything about him was wrong, wrong, wrong.

_**You don't deserve a shoulder to cry on,**_ my ever-fickle second self informed me in a cold voice caused by the cold tears. _**You're too weak and cruel.**_

_That's me_, I replied wearily, one hand clutching the spandex of Lee-san's chest, the other twisting painfully to grab and squeeze his hand.

* * *

He held me for about half an hour after I stopped crying. He seemed to understand that the tears had nothing to do with him, and he'd obviously decided that silence was better than attempts at consolation. He was right—as always—and yet his silence gave me no reason to yell at him. Which is what I really wanted. To yell. To scream. To hit something/someone. I didn't want to hurt Lee-san, but at the same time, I really, _really _wanted to hurt him. Just because he was there, with his arm around my shoulders, and so undeniably _not _Uchiha Sasuke.

I managed to restrain myself, though, until after I had healed my hand and told Lee-san that I was ready to start sparring again. He probably let me hit him, in some masochistic attempt at making up for previous damages, but it felt good either way. Not because I had gotten revenge, and _definitely _not because I had just hit my closest—and strongest—friend square between the eyes. No, if felt good because finally, I wasn't the one in pain.

* * *

**_This is such an angsty little fic. It's got ups and downs, and good God, Lee really can't get a break._**

**_Sorry for how short it is. Just try to remember that this entire fic is based on memories, and the chapter ends when the memory stops being important._**

**_Also, i can't write action. Sorry for the suckiness at the beginning. You know, sorry for the suckiness of the whole chappy. i'm really not very happy with any of it. Except for the last paragraph, but that's it. _:(**

**Miyazaki A2**


	8. Teasing

I would really prefer _not _to dwell on that particular Chunin Exam. A whole lot of nonsense, from what I remember. A stupid, uncomfortable, bloody memory.

First off, since both of my teammates were off doing whatever the hell it was that they were doing, I had to join the team of the only Chunin from our year. That's right, I had to take the Chunin Exams on the same team as Ino-pig and Chouji. This wasn't necessarily a bad thing—Chouji was relatively pleasant to be around as long as we weren't hungry at the same time. And Ino-pig was surprisingly nice to me throughout the whole thing, too. I guess, out of Sasuke-kun's poisoning presence, Ino-pig and I really like each other. She made a lot of cracks about Lee-san, though. Mainly about how she'd seen him with me a lot, and that we really didn't have to keep our relationship a secret.

She'd gotten a bruise for that comment.

We were able to do well on the written part of the exam, since I knew all the answers and Ino-pig had that handy dandy Mind Possession Jutsu up her sleeve. My second mind later informed me that Ino-pig had tried to looking at our memories of Lee-san while she was at it, but of course my second self had managed to foil that plot.

Ino-pig had received a slightly smaller bruise for the attempted intrusion of my privacy. She played dumb, of course, telling me that she was only doing what we had planned and that my _mental watchdog _was just overprotective.

My second self wanted to give her a third bruise for the nickname, but I managed to restrain myself.

I think what really hurt us as a team was the fact that I wasn't Shikamaru, meaning that all of their awesome combos were now moot. That, and the fact that this was my first time fighting alongside the two of them. I had absolutely no idea how to handle them, and vice versa. Our chemistry was way off. We barely got past the second exam, mainly because we had ganged up on a group of rookies at the last minute.

I really thought we were going to be okay by the time we got to the prelims. Especially after Chouji won his match. Ino-pig and I were going crazy with ego-boosting endorphins. A lot of the foreigners and even some of our Konoha friends were giving us funny looks. But we didn't care. We were Konoha kunoichi, and we were going to become Chunin!

At least, that's what I thought until Ino-pig got KOed by the putter master from Sunagakure. That seriously sent the confidence meter to an all-time low. After all, she and I had been on the same level last time…

My opponent was a kunoichi from the Hidden Mist. She was huge, at least six foot five inches, very bulky—though of it was all muscle—and she specialized in poison. She had tattoos of water snakes all over her body, so I guess it seemed fitting…she was amazingly talented with weapons, too, so of course every inch of every blade was coated in toxin. I'd tried to use a dumbed-down version of the chakra scalpel, and it actually worked for a minute or two. I'd managed to tear her right bicep, but that move put me in range of the poisoned senbon she kept in her metal kneepad.

I think there's a reason no one gets shots in their stomachs. Stomachs bleed really easily, and they keep bleeding for a long time. Add that to snake venom that deliberately keeps blood from clotting, and you've got yourself a whole lot of blood loss. And it's really difficult to think straight—let alone battle—when blood is gushing out of your gut faster than your heart can pump it through the body. And it's surprisingly difficult to focus on your opponent when the blood loss makes it look like there are several of them.

Falling unconscious was more than welcome at that point.

That is, until I woke up to discover that I was still a genin. The nurses literally had to tranquilize me to get me to stop yelling and thrashing around with frustration.

Maybe it was a teensy bit of an overreaction, but, damn it, I wanted that freaking flak jacket.

The second time I woke up, it was dark, and I had a muzzle on.

* * *

"You had better beat her to hell, Lee-san," was my response when he informed me of what the matchups for the finals had ended up as. It only seemed fitting that the boy who promised to protect me with his life should get to fight the Amazonian who'd nearly killed me.

"You know I don't believe in grudges, Sakura-san," Lee-san said gently, placing the steaming bowl of pork ramen in front of me.

"She pulled a sneak attack!" I demanded.

"That's the way of the shinobi," he replied. "Didn't you already give _me _this lecture?"

I ignored his practical teasing and changed the subject of my complaining. "I was so close, too. I nearly put that arm out of commission!"

There was suddenly a weight on the top of my head. I looked up to see his bandaged hand in my hair, and his smile in my direction.

"Sakura-san, you did beautifully, but sadly, it was a mismatch. She probably could've defeated any one of us Konoha nin."

"Oh, shut up, Lee-san. That's no way to talk about your own opponent. Besides, you're really not one to go around talking about mismatches. Taking on that poor little rookie…"

He rose up his hands in a defensive gesture. "Hey, the computer matched us up, not me. I just did what I had to do in order to move on." And then he abruptly changed the subject. "What do you think of the food?"

It was delicious, so of course I had to make fun of him about it. He countered by insisting that I was just jealous of his culinary expertise, which of course was true. I told him as much, but then continued that if I needed to, I could make a poison that could kill him in three minutes—what did I need to be able to cook for? Then, in an impish moment, he replied that if I knew so much about poison, then why couldn't I defeat the Amazonian?

I threw my one of my ceramic chopsticks at him for that comment. He caught it easily, handed it back to me, and asked me to please start eating while he poured his own bowl. I obliged quietly, planning more complaints for when my mouth wasn't full.

* * *

I sprawled out on Lee-san's futon, snuggling into one of his plush throw pillows. I decided right then to spend more Saturdays over at his place, at least while it was still cold. It was kept warm and clean, probably due to the fact that he never spent enough time there to get it too messy. The walls were a warm, light brown color that reminded me of the woods, and he added to that effect with this forest green futon and the pale gold carpet. His apartment was small, only three rooms if you didn't count the little bathroom that connected with his bedroom, which I hadn't seen yet—I was terrified to have to go through it once I needed to pee; it seemed just a little too personal.

I fiddled with my headband. That freaking Kiri-nin sent so many poisoned senbon at me at one point that it tore up all my clothes and even my poor little forehead protector. The metal piece could barely hold onto the fabric now. It bugged the living daylights out of me.

"The metal piece is going to fall off," I said in a monotone as Lee-san came in from cleaning up the kitchen. "And then I'll lose my identification as a shinobi of Konohagakure. I'll be nothing but a civilian. All dreams of greatness gone."

"Just another reason for me to punish the Kiri kunoichi, eh?" he replied sarcastically, taking the flimsy fabric from me. "This is going to fall apart if you continue to wear it, Sakura-san."

"You're joking," I said dryly, taking it back and defiantly tying it up at the top of my head. Lee-san shrugged and then cheerfully skipped around the couch to sit down in front of me, his head lined up with my waist. I decided then that I really liked Lee-san's apartment. I don't know why exactly. It just seemed to fit somewhere in my subconscious like a missing puzzle piece. I was comfortable there.

"Oi, Lee-san, you are coming over to my place for Christmas, right?"

He jolted, and then gave me a surprised look. "I didn't know Christmas was on a Saturday this year…I could've sworn it was this Thursday," he said, throwing a glance to the calendar that hung beside the front door.

"It _is _on Thursday, Lee-san." I laughed at his reaction. "Why? Are you only interested in quality time with me on Saturdays?"

He gave me a serious look that made my laugh catch in my throat. "I am always interested in you, Sakura-san. The day of the week has nothing to do with it…I just…didn't think that you felt the same way at all."

I reached forward to pinch his cheek in a comforting—but still teasing—gesture and said, "Poor, humble Lee-san. Obviously he doesn't understand what he means to me, or all that he's done for me. He obviously doesn't think that I have the capacity to be someone's friend 24/7. Poor little misguided Lee-san." He blushed in an instant.

_**He's so cute when he blushes.**_

_What the HELL did you just say?!_

Trying to ignore the slip in my Sasuke-fangirlness, I patted the top of his head. "If you want to spend the holiday with your team, I completely understand. But I still expect you on my doorstep that morning so that I can at least give your present."

"YOU GOT ME A _PRESENT?!"_

_**He really thinks he means nothing to us…**_

_Makes me want to cry…_

I didn't cry—thank God—so I decided to laugh instead. I pulled my fingers through his surprisingly soft hair a few times, oddly contented when he leaned into my hand. "Of course I did, Lee-san. And if you show up to my house empty-handed, I'll make you run around Konoha 500 times…backwards."

He gave me a salute.

* * *

**_I'm not sure who is more OOC. Angry-Sakura, Depressed-Sakura, or Happy/Teasing-Sakura. Poor Lee. He's got self-worth issues._**

**_I really like this chappy, for some reason or another. i like their little conversations when Sakura's in a good mood. Fun to write._**

**_I dedicate this chappy to my friend from deviantART, NaruHina-SakuLee...that's her name and her OTP's. _:)**

**_Enjoy the teasing. Much ai to R&R-ers.  
Miyazaki A2_**


	9. Holiday

_**w00t! Long chappy! 2617 words! uber-w00t!**_

* * *

It was an enormous credit to my subconscious that I was able to sleep all the way through Christmas Eve without a single dream. It made me feel stronger, as if by sheer force of will I could keep the pain away while out of Lee-san's presence. Perhaps now Lee-san would never again have to see me in such a state of disrepair as the Second Saturday. Maybe I was healing.

I opened my eyes slowly, testing the air for signs that this was a false-awakening. I felt really, truly awake, so I sat up. Still awake. Good. On instinct, I reached over to my bedside table to retrieve that beloved photo of mine.

"Merry Christmas, Kakashi-sensei. Merry Christmas, Naruto…Merry Christmas, Sasuke-kun." I then gave the dark-haired boy a sweet, adoring kiss. But…something was off. The kiss felt shallow, habitual almost. As if I were only doing it because I always did it, because my lips were just so used to the cold, smooth surface that was his face. I really didn't like the idea that tenderness was slipping away when it came to the boy I still hoped to marry some day.

"I love you, Sasuke-kun," I said quietly. Well, that felt better. Truer. I still loved him. "I _love _you," I repeated, trying to force out a bigger reaction that just recognition of fact. I wanted the words to make me picture our wedding, make me start planning what our kids would be named, make me start planning…anything. After all, every time I said these words while Sasuke-kun—flinch—was still here, I could practically hear wedding bells. Now…I heard nothing but the seconds click-clocking by.

_**It's all slipping away.**_

Miffed, and unable to counter my second mind's comment, I set the picture down, deciding that my lack of response was due to grogginess. I hurried off to the shower, planning to try again after the hot water and my minty shampoo woke me up a bit more.

--

To my extreme displeasure, though, it didn't work. Despite the fact that I had spent fifteen minutes digging out the herbal soaps that were specifically marketed to make a person more alert, nothing changed. My kisses still seemed to be out of obligation rather than sincerity, and my declarations of love still fell to the floor without much feeling. It bugged the hell out of me.

Completely frustrated, I stormed off to my closest to find something nice to wear for Lee-san. I wondered if he planned on gracing me with his presence all day, or if he was going to leave to spend the holiday with his father-figure and his other friends. It would be selfish of me to expect too much time from him today—especially after all the time he'd already given me—but I couldn't help it. I really wanted him around.

Because, in all truth, I'm really just a selfish person. Selfish and needy. That's me.

I chose a scarlet turtleneck with my signature circle on the chest. It fit me snugly, since it'd been a year of growth spurts since I last attempted to wear it, but that was a good thing. Made me feel just the teensiest bit curvier. I picked out a pair of faded green denim jeans, which were riddled through with holes in various places. They were comfortable, though, which is the only thing that mattered to me. I then tied my hair back in a low ponytail with a pale red ribbon. There. Christmas colors.

I sent a glance to my beloved clock to see that I still had half and hour of solitude left. On that note, I suddenly remembered that I did in fact have a family, and that this was one of the biggest family holidays of the year. I didn't really feel like leaving my lair until it was inescapably necessary, but I hadn't seen my parents under pleasant circumstances in a while. I might as well show them that I did in fact have the ability to be happy.

With that thought in mind, I carefully picked up Lee-san's gift, cradling it in the crook of my elbow, and then skipped out the door. I walked down the hall until I got to my parents' bedroom, and then oh-so-slyly stuck my head in…and as to be expected, they were both still asleep, their bodies still snuggled up in their blankets. Why is it that grown-ups always choose to sleep so late on Christmas morning?

Annoyed, I gave up on that idea and made my way down the stairs and into the living room. There was a small stack of presents by the fireplace, mostly for my parents. I think that they'd each gotten me one thing, while they'd each gotten each other around seven things. I guess it's difficult to buy presents for a child you never see.

While I waited, I contented myself with counting my breaths and heartbeats. I was surprised by how well they corresponded. Just another one of nature's odd patterns…No matter how much of a mental patient that I must have looked like— staring off into space while murmuring numbers—it kept me busy until I heard my favorite sound in the entire house. (My favorite sound in the world was a tie between Sasuke-kun's scoff and Lee-san's laugh.)

**Ding-dong.**

It took me less than five seconds to run through the house, into the front room, and to wrench open the front door. And what I saw made my heart stutter in a way that it had only ever done a few times ago…in the presence of the Sasuke-kun.

Lee-san was not in his jumpsuit. That was the first thing I noticed. No, instead he was in a tight olive-green/forest-green striped shirt sweater that hugged his muscles in a very…_flattering _way. The collar of his sweater dipped into a short V-neck that would have shown off his collarbone if it hadn't been for his Konoha headband that he had tied casually around his throat. He had on plain khaki cargo pants—which, for some reason or another, were splattered with minty-green paint. I tried to do a mental rundown of all the green paint I'd seen at his house—none—and decided that he must have a mint-green bedroom.

What really caught me off-guard was his hair. It was…messy. I hadn't known that it could even _get _messy. Even during his stay at the hospital, he'd managed to keep it somewhat in order. Now it looked like he'd just gotten out of bed…it looked good on him.

I remember this moment as the very first time I was ever _attracted _to Lee-san. The first time that I consciously realized that he was _handsome._ The suddenness of the realization put my first mind in a state of shock, leaving my second mind to scramble around to try and drive from the passenger seat.

And my second mind is so much more eccentric than my usual one. Just as Lee-san was wishing me a Merry Christmas, she flung our body at him, wrapping our arms tightly around his neck. "Merry Christmas, Lee-san!" she squealed through our lips. "I'm so glad you showed up! You look great!"

He hugged us back tightly, and it was at that moment that I realized how snugly our bodies fit together. Though Inner Sakura was enjoying this immensely, I was still stunned by how suddenly my view of him had been altered. Furious with myself for inadvertently blurring a line, I knocked Inner Sakura away from the steering wheel and retook control.

She called me a mean word and then submissively suggested letting go of Lee-san before he got carried away by my closeness. _**Or vice versa**_, she added rebelliously.

I did as she instructed, giving Lee-san a crinkly-eyed smile. He grinned back at me, obviously pleased by my reaction to his presence—and perhaps the fact that I'd hugged him without sobbing…for the first time ever.

Trying to act like a friend—and not someone who was suddenly and probably temporarily attracted to him—I put my hands on my hips and gave him a condescending look. "So, what'd you get me? Or is it the laps for you?"

Giving me my special smile, he held out a brightly packaged box, about seven or eight inches long and three-and-a-half inches wide. It was wrapped in red paper and tied together with a sea-green ribbon that I could easily use to tie my hair back once Christmas was over and done with. It looked professionally wrapped, though somehow I could feel that he would've preferred to do every painstaking step on his own. (I wondered idly if he was at all OCD. My second self said that it was cute. I yelled back that Lee-san was _not _cute, that he was just a sweet friend who we didn't see that way. She replied oh-so-rebelliously that our _sweet friend _was smoking-hot. I threw a mental kunai at her. It missed—of course—but it sent my message.)

Lee-san, oblivious to my mental debate of his attractiveness, snapped in front of my face again. I jumped up about a foot in the air, and then gave him a dirty look.

"You were zoning out again?" he asked sweetly. I stuck my tongue out at him, and then motioned for him to come inside before he let more of the warm air out. I led him into the living room, and then pushed him roughly onto the couch. I went back to the fireplace to retrieve his gift, and then joined him on the couch, sitting as far from him as possible. To make up for the distance, I turned to face him, leaning on the arm of the couch.

I held out my hands and groped towards the gift in his hands. "Gimme, gimme."

Lee-san smiled warmly at me, and then threw it over to me. I caught it easily, and then turned it over in my hands a couple of times, totally aware of the worried eyes that watched my every movement. I looked up at him and smiled wryly. He blushed, and I turned my attention to the pretty little package.

I unwrapped the gift painfully slowly, just for the benefit of watching Lee-san panic out of the corner of my eyes. He seemed to get more nervous every second that the wrapping paper was still on the package, and for some sadistic reason, I was amused to no end. He kept running his fingers through his hair, as if he was just now realizing that he forgot to brush it. He was blushing rather badly, which interested me immensely.

Finally, I'd decided that if I went any slower, my poor friend would have a stroke, so I finally just ripped the paper off with a flourish of the wrist, letting it float to the floor like a feather. All that was left was a small white box with my name written in blue ink. His handwriting was surprisingly neat and small, quite unlike his personality. I looked up at him to raise an eyebrow, but he refused to look at me. I shook my head at his fickle shyness, and then lifted the lid.

Nestled in the box was a Konohagakure forehead protector bolted to a crimson belt of fabric. I picked it up delicately, and then touched the top of my head. Nothing. I looked up at Lee-san, who finally decided to meet my gaze, smiling sheepishly.

"Last Saturday, after I took you home, I found your headband on my couch, right where your head had been." He chuckled. "The fabric was so tattered that as soon as I picked it up, the metal piece fell off."

I touched my hair again. "I honestly hadn't even noticed that I'd left it."

He gave me an incredulous look. I had an idea of what he was thinking. _Didn't you just rant about how scared you were of losing it?_ Then he smiled widely, easily forgiving my fickleness. "Well, I hope you like it." Suddenly, his face lost all color, and he averted his gaze. "I hope you don't mind the color…if you want the blue, I can take it back." My gaze instantly drifted to the blood-red Konoha headband around his throat, and I felt a pang of some unnamable emotion.

Inner Sakura pushed a little-used button on our control board, and it made me suddenly I lean in to press my lips gently to his forehead, drowning out his voice in shock. My second self catalogued this memory very well, making me remember the first time I ever kissed him with enormous clarity. I remember quite clearly how his dark bangs tickled my nose, how warm his breath on my throat was. A very, very pleasant memory.

When I forced myself to pull away to tie on my new headband, he made an odd choking noise in the back of his throat. I watched with amused eyes as he touched the spot where my lips had touched his skin. And of course, his face turned an adorable shade of magenta.

"It's perfect, Lee-san. Domo arigato."

He grinned.

"Now—"I held out the neatly wrapped green package that I had nestled between my thigh and the couch—"your turn."

He scooted a little farther away from me. "You really didn't have to get me anything, Sakura-san," he said quietly, eyeing the box in my hands almost sadly.

"Oh, shut your mouth. Of course I did, Lee-baka. It's Christmas, and you're my friend." I stood up to gently drop it in his lap, whether he liked it or not. I sat down much closer to him. "You're just amazingly proper."

He sent me a wistful sidelong glance, and then redirected his gaze to the gift in his hands.

"And seriously Lee-san, just open it. Don't worry about the freaking wrapping paper."

He nodded, and obediently tore the paper off. Of course, he carefully folded it back up and set it down on the coffee table, as if apologizing to the inanimate object for its destruction. I couldn't help but giggle at him. I leaned on my elbow and closed my eyes, choosing to listen to his reaction rather than watching.

So of course I was a little worried when I didn't hear him say anything. I opened my eyes to see him staring at the open box, a small smile playing around on his lips.

"Lee-san?"

He looked up at me, and I could see in his eyes that he wanted very desperately to kiss me. Well, he always did, but right now he really had to work on restraining himself.

_**I wonder what his lips feel like. **_

_NO YOU DON'T!!_

"Sakura-san…arigato." He looked away to hide his thoughts. Carefully, so carefully, he lifted the glass Sacred Lotus out of the box and cradled it in his palm. "_Domo _arigato." He looked at me again, his eyes dripping with gratitude.

"No problem, Lee-san."

Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes as he replaced the delicate glass flower into its container. He turned back to me, and the tears were now falling freely. The tenderness in his eyes mixed with the wondrous warmth in my chest halfway melted my resolve, so I leaned forward to wrap my arms around his muscular, lean body, this time completely of my own accord.

Inner Sakura approved.

His hands hovered over my back for about six heartbeats, but then he wrapped his arms around me with a love that was tangible. I could practically taste the adoration in his voice as he whispered, "Merry Christmas, Sakura-ai."

* * *

**_Uh, using ai as a suffix is basically saying "Sakura, my love."_**

**_Yeah, i am so in love with this chappy. i realize that it is completly the wrong side of the calender to be writing a Christmas chappy, but whatever. Deal with it. Oh, and this is finally one of those pre-written chapters. That's why it's here so quickly. I've actually got the next chapter completely written. it just needs to be typed. I'm a writing cheetah._**

**_Oh, and i just had to explain the Shippuden headband somehow. Lee wanted them to match. :-)_**

**_I love Inner Sakura. She is my favorite character in this fic.  
Miyazaki A2_**


	10. Kun

**_Short chappy this time. Important one, though._**

* * *

Lee-san beat the Amazonian. Beat her to a bloody pulp. If they'd both remained silent, Lee-san might have been a little gentler, but she wasn't the type to fight without speaking. And apparently, she liked to be offensive when she spoke. But she didn't insult Lee-san. No, she insulted _me. _She remembered how vehemently he had cheered for me during our battle, and she told him that he shouldn't have bothered, that he had wasted his time, and that he should find a better kunoichi to love. Lee-san has self-worth issues as it is—he didn't need to be told that the girl he loved was a weakling, too. He may not like to hold grudges, but he can't stand it when someone who did their best is insulted, especially someone he cares about. That's just how he is.

I cheered so loudly for him when his opponent fell unconscious. He had won a decisive, strategic win, managing to make the Amazonian look like an idiot. He was _so _going to be a chunin!

While we were cheering, Lee-san found me in the crowd. Even from so far away, I could see the adoration brightening his dark eyes. _That was for you_, his eyes told me. _I did it just for you. Are you proud of me?_

_Very, very proud, _my eyes and cheers replied.

He grinned.

* * *

It was around that time that I discovered that nearly everything Lee-san did, he did for me. He trained so he could protect me, he fought to protect the place where I lived, and he came around every Saturday morning at 8 A.M. just so I wouldn't be lonely. He did so much just so I would look his way. No one had ever done that before—even Naruto had a tendency to do things for the sake of doing them, not just because he hoped I'd fall in love with him.

I really owed Lee-san a lot. Ever since he first showed up and knocked the wind out of me with his sunshine, life seemed easier. Weekdays were still miserable and filled with nothing but fake smiles, but they were no longer so terrible that I felt like taking a blade to my wrists. No, that wouldn't help anything. If I slit my wrists, how would that get to see Lee-san?

That was my thought process. _**If you kill yourself, you'll miss out on a day with Lee-san.**_ It was almost funny how my every thought revolved around our Saturdays. Around _him_.

I'm really not sure when it stopped being about Lee-san's inner sun and started being about _Lee-san, _himself. I guess I just got used to his sparkly teeth and exuberant cheerfulness—more so, I started to like them. I started to think that his ability to speak in Capital Letters was Simply Adorable. I started noticing how his jumpsuit showed off all of his muscles without interruption, and how his sweet little bowl-cut was really just a testament to his love for his father-figure, Gai-sensei. Once I figured that out, I thought it was really quite adorable. Everything about him was adorable.

It took me very little time to realize that he was my best friend. Even so, I still insisted on calling his Lee-_san._ For some inexplicable reason, I felt like if I gave him that affectionate suffix, called him Lee-_kun_, something would be lost forever. Our relationship would be forever changed into something much more intimate, a relationship that would constantly be on the edge of blurring lines.

The idea terrified me.

At the same time, though, I wanted to have more than just a superficial, polite relationship. For the very first time, I thought that Rock Lee deserved to blur at least one line with me.

"Your hair is growing out again," he said, not bothering to look up from his food.

My head, however, having been pulled out of yet another reverie, shot up and I immediately looked myself over. Lo-and-behold, my hair was just barely hovering over my shoulders already. "That's weird. I hadn't even noticed."

"Hair grows faster in the winter. It's an adaptation left over from our animal days," he commented, still enthralled in his food. "Are you going to leave it long?"

_He's avoiding my gaze._

_**Wonder why.**_

I cocked my head to the side. "I really hadn't given it any thought. I don't see why I would." My voice had taken on a sour tone that I wasn't quite aware of at that moment. "I only grew it out for…" I didn't—couldn't—finish my sentence, and felt a bit guilty when Lee-san looked up at me with pain in his wide eyes. I shook my head. His pain hurt worse than my own did, and not even his inner sun could help it. I avoided his gaze, looking at his nose rather than his eyes. "I'll probably get it cut some time this week."

"I like it short," Lee-san agreed quickly. "Makes you look older. And when you look back on why you cut in the first place…it makes you look stronger. And besides, when it's short, everyone can see your pretty face."

We both blushed instantly, and were suddenly quite interested in our lunch.

_He thinks I'm pretty, _I thought with a chuckle.

_**He likes our hair short.**_

_Sasuke-kun likes long hair, though…_

_**We haven't seen Sasuke-kun in a long time. Why try to please someone who may or may not want to see our face ever again? Lee-san likes short hair.**_

I wanted quite desperately at that moment to give Lee-san what he wanted.

"Lee-san?!" my voice came out just a little too shrieky.

He looked up from his extra-spicy curry to give me a full-mouthed, "Ha, Sakoora-sam?"

I giggled a little at his sweet little slur. "I wanted to ask your permission for something."

He swallowed quickly. "What is it, Sakura-san?" he asked urgently.

I blushed at his intense gaze and looked down at my extra-mild curry. "You know you're my best friend, right?"

He made a gurgling sound in the back of his throat that I took as a disbelieving confirmation.

"Well," I continued, studying the bubbly red substance on my plate, "I wanted to know…would you mind it very much if I called you…Lee-_kun?_"

I looked up at him to discover that his eyes were much wider than usual. He dropped his spoon, and I blushed harder. I really didn't anticipate this sort of reaction. Was he upset somehow? I looked down, ashamed of putting that little question out on the table.

"_YOOOOOOSSSSHH!"_

I looked up and blinked. His seat was empty, and the door to the restaurant was swinging closed.

In the distance, I heard, "I _must_ tell Gai-sensei!"

_**Ten bucks says they'll do that creepy sunset thing.**_

_No point in betting. I'm sure they will._

_**That's not exactly a bad thing, though.**_

_No, not at all. It's just Lee-sa…Lee-kun._

* * *

__

**Love it, love it, love it! Sorry for the length, but this little piece of character development needed to stand alone. **

**Love you all.  
Miyazaki A2**


	11. Goodbye

**_I'll let you know right now...i'm not that fond of this chappy._**

* * *

When Lee-kun first got his flak jacket, I was proud enough to do a song-and-dance number. I would've, too, if Inner Sakura were in control. She was the reason that I kept humming all day, doing little twirls when I walked. You know, sometimes I wonder if life would be exciting if I let her have a little more control…it would definitely be a bit more honest…

My reaction to Lee-kun's promotion was strictly positive, and quite optimistic. Everything looked bright. With Lee-kun's new salary, he would be able to afford things that he couldn't even consider when he was a genin, like a radio for his living room. That was his first time owning a radio, and he thought it was the most amazing thing in the world. _He _was unafraid of jumping up to dance and sing to his favorite songs—he especially adored the Numa-Numa Song—and I was surprised to discover that he could sing pretty well. And apparently, being a taijutsu master does wonders for your dance skills. I was content just to watch him while he flailed around in time with the music, but Lee-kun always managed to get me on my feet to dance with him. Only fast songs, though—the second a ballad came on, it was back to the couch for us. There was no way in hell that I was going to slow-dance with him, and Lee-kun knew it.

Even when we were listening to music, Lee-kun was protective of me. Whenever a song came on that was just a _little _too dramatic or angsty, usually breakup songs, _click _went the dial on the radio. On to the next station. Because Lee-kun was valiant like that.

Lee-kun also decided to use some money from his raise on a new comb-and-hairbrush set. I really don't want to talk about that particular phase. I remember how excited he'd been to show me the shiny new hair accessories, and it was all I could do not to fall over backwards. He was so weird. But it was _his_ money and _his_ hair. Not a bad thing if he likes to keep his appearance up. _**He's a weirdo…but he's our favorite weirdo. **_

All in all, Lee-kun's promotion was a very good thing.

At least…until he actually had to go do a chunin's work.

I scowled at him. "You had better come home in one piece, Lee-kun. Saturdays aren't the same without you." My lower lips started to tremble. My sun was going away. My chest was already starting to feel the frigid bite of winter.

He smiled serenely and touched my cheek, wiping my eye with the side of his thumb. "Sakura-san, I will always come home to you. I promise on my honor as a Konohagakure shinobi. He sealed the promise with a _nice guy _pose, but it did nothing to help my mood. If anything, it just reminded me of how much I was going to miss him.

Unshed tears stung at my eyes. "You'll be gone for a _month?" _I made the last word sound like a swear. After all, could I handle being alone for that long? Would I lapse back into the earthbound hell that was my life before Lee-kun rang my doorbell that first time? The idea made me shudder.

He smiled comfortingly. "I'll write you every Saturday, okay?"

"That's not nearly the same thing, Lee-kun." He gave me a withering look. _Work with me,_ his eyes said. "But okay. Don't forget." I looked down at my feet. "You better be careful."

I could practically hear him rolling his eyes. "Yes, ma'am."

I stuck my tongue out at him, but the teasing gesture felt all wrong. Apparently, Lee-kun thought so, too.

"Why are you crying, Sakura-san?"

I quickly wiped my eyes. Honestly, I hadn't even noticed that the tears had brimmed over. "I just don't want to say goodbye. A month is a terribly long time…for me." I sniffled. "It just feels like another friend is leaving me."

"I will _never _leave you. I _will _come home," he replied quickly, almost sharply. The indignant edge to his voice caught me off guard, and when I looked up, his jaw and fists were clenched, and he was determinedly avoiding my gaze. What the hell was wrong with _him?_

_**He doesn't like to be compared to Sasuke-kun,**_ my second mind informed me dully, her voice faint and wispy, as if she lived off of the sun that was about to disappear. _**It upsets him to think that he could possibly hurt you as badly as Sasuke-kun did. That is the last thing he wants.**_

"I know, Lee-kun, I know. Just hurry back, okay?" I blinked against the tears that tears that kept falling, despite the fact that I knew they were hurting him. "If you do, I'll eat an entire bowl of extra-spicy curry."

He grinned, all of the darkness melting away like a sunrise. "You don't have to do that, Sakura-san."

"But I will, if you hurry."

"Deal." He smiled for a moment longer, but it fell from his face when he heard Neji call his name. Lee-kun looked behind, towards his teammates, and then back to me. He looked torn. His hands twitched his sides and he lifted them slowly, unsurely. He frowned a little, almost as if his indecision was hurting him. Suddenly, he took my face in between his hands, almost roughly. Before I could think of what to do, he pressed his lips firmly to the middle of my forehead. My chest suddenly got quite warm and my arms twitched towards him, longing to touch him somehow. I'm not at all sure how long he kissed me like that—the only thing I could focus on was the fact that he _was _kissing me, even if only on the forehead. His lips were surprisingly soft, and they felt amazing on my skin. I wanted this moment to last forever.

And of course, as soon as that wish crept into my mind, he was gone, on the other side of the Village Gate, running off with his teammates.

For the strangest reason that I couldn't quite place, I felt a pang of disappointment as I touched the spot where his oddly soft lips had made contact with my skin. I shivered in the late-February wind, and trudged home, preparing for an entire month of hell.

The icy tears fell harder than they had in months.

My second mind was far away, refusing to speak to me. As I walked, I kept trying to talk to her, telling her that she couldn't just abandon me like this, but she didn't reply. I could see her shaking and coughing in the dark recesses of my mind, but there was very little I could do. She suddenly put up mental walls around herself, cutting herself off from me. Now I couldn't even see her.

I've never felt so alone.

* * *

Mail was suddenly an important thing to me. Because I had no idea where he was, I had no idea how long it would take for the mail to get to me. The inconsistency of it all made me go slightly crazier. During that dark time of my life, instead of holing myself up in my bedroom, I camped out in front of the mail slot on the front door. My parents literally had to move my unconscious body away from the front door so they could go to work in the morning.

The only good part of this whole ordeal, my mother told me later, was that now she and Tou-san could see that I was actually alive.

I'd given her the look of death.

When the first letter came, I could have kissed the mailman. It was the happiest Tuesday morning of my young life. I grabbed the letter as soon as I saw the neat handwriting on the address and ran away to my bedroom, leaving the rest of the mail to float lazily to the ground. I threw myself onto my bed, turning the envelope over in my hands, looking for the reply address. There was none.

_**It would put the mission in jeopardy if he put a reply address,**_ my second mind murmured, speaking for the first time since I said goodbye to Lee-kun. _**His location is supposed to be a secret.**_ It worried me that there was no mocking edge to her voice.

_So you're alive after all_, I replied, trying to goad her back into livelihood. The best thing would be if she called me _baka-chan._

She, however, ignored my reference to her silence. _**Are you going to open that or just stare at it?**_

Her voice was much too faint. I felt a sudden pang of dread. Could extra minds _die?!_

_**No, not until you do. Quit worrying about me. Please just open Lee-kun's letter.**_

Rather than replying, I tore opened the envelope and pulled out a crisp, white sheet of paper. His small, neat handwriting sent a burst of fleeting warmth through my icy chest. It only lasted the length of a heartbeat, but during that heartbeat, I could almost feel his warm, loving eyes on me.

_**Dear Sakura-san,**_

_**I hope you are feeling well. You really seemed quite…upset about my leaving, and I just wanted to remind you that it will only be three more weeks until I come home.**_

_**I am not at liberty to disclose any specifics on the mission, but I can tell you it is going well as of now. Nowhere near completion, of course, but we are on the road to success! I swear it! **_

_**I must go now, but please remember to stay strong during my absence. I know how hard it is for you to be alone all the time. Please, go spend some time with your friend Ino-san, or maybe Neji-kun's little cousin, Hinata-san. I'm sure they could keep you company.**_

_**With much love,**_

_**Rock Lee**_

I reread his letter over and over, committing each character to memory. I could almost hear his warm voice as I read each affectionate word. I smiled uneasily and pressed the crisp paper to my chest, contented when it suddenly got quite warm. It was odd to feel warm like this when Lee-kun wasn't around. It made me actually think about what the warmth was. It was almost…tenderness. Strange. I never thought that this boy could make me feel this way. Stranger than that, I really didn't mind.

_He wants me to have fun,_ I thought to myself. _But there is no fun without Lee-kun._

At that thought, my second mind put her walls back up.

That settled it. I wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

**_Did you think the happy chaps would last forever? Please, that'd be boring. Sigh. This was harder to write than you'd think. And i still don't like the outcome._**

**_Hope you guys like it, though.  
Miya A2_**


	12. Surviving

It was strange. For some reason, as I lied on my bedroom floor and reread Lee-kun's letter for perhaps the millionth time, I suddenly didn't feel like crying anymore. It just felt wrong. I mean, why _should_ I be crying? He wasn't gone forever; he had every intention of coming home. After all, this was just a mission. And it wasn't as if I was completely cut off from him—I had the proof of that in my hands right now. It was exceedingly strange not to cry, but at the same time, it made sense. Besides, it would only hurt Lee-kun if he came home to red eyes and tear-tracks.

The idea that I could spare him some pain made me smile. I reread his letter one more time, just for the sake of the faint warmth bubbling around the hole in my chest. The last paragraph really stuck out to me this time. He wanted me to go spend time with my other friends. He wanted me to try and be happy. That was more than I'd gotten from anyone else, at least in words. At least Lee-kun made an attempt at _telling _me that he was worried—everyone else just sat by and waited for me to take initiative, thinking I was intuitive enough to know that they were concerned.

_**You should call Ino-pig, **_my second mind murmured, dissolving her mental walls. _**Just for Lee-kun's sake.**_

I figured that if I didn't reply, she'd have no reason to go away again, so I just nodded and walked over to the phone that hung next to my calendar. I dialed the number that I had once promised never to dial again, and waited.

"WHAT'S UP, _FOREHEAD-GIRL?"_

* * *

Spending time with Ino-pig is…tiring. Relatively pleasant and extremely fun, but tiring nonetheless. Unlike Lee-kun, Ino-pig liked to be constantly moving and _doing _things, whereas I would've been content to sit and talk. Oh, we talked…we talked while jogging to get to the One Day Only sale at Ino-pig's favorite store, and we talked across changing rooms—but can you really call that conversation? That being said, conversation with Ino-pig was rather limited. She liked to talk about a few things; those being boys, fashion, and more boys. It seemed that she had completely forgotten about Sasuke-kun in his months of prolonged absence. "Out of sight, out of mind," she had casually replied at one point when I asked her about it. I'd wanted to continue that conversation, to ask if she thought I was being silly by holding onto my love for Sasuke-kun, but she'd abruptly changed the subject to her latest crush, Shikamaru. She didn't give me a chance to bring the subject back to the boy that still lit up my own heart. No, Ino was just a bit too self-centered to be any help to me.

But…she was fun to be around…even if she _did _have _huge _misconceptions about my love life. As we parted ways on the road to my house, she made sure to wait until I was _just _within earshot to yell at the top of her lungs, "So is you bushy-brow _boyfriend _going to be home by your birthday?"

I replied with a swift toss of a soccer-ball-sized rock. I didn't look to see if it had hit anything, but I could hear her laughing at my temper, so obviously she was still alive.

I walked away in a huff, probably only managing to heighten her suspicions by being so defensive. What can I say? I can never win.

* * *

That was Thursday. On Saturday, I found myself screaming awake. Which was strange. Lately, my nightmare had been exclusive to weeknights. And even then, I'd been slightly immune to the nightmare—rather than screaming, I would just gasp into awareness. I hadn't screamed in weeks. I'd actually been proud of that fact; I thought I was healing.

Apparently, knowing that you won't get relief in the morning made the recurring nightmare even more terrible.

_**That's because yet another constant has been taken away.**_

_What do you mean?_

_**I mean, despite what you like to believe, you love that little weirdo.**_

_No I don't! I love Sasuke-kun and ONLY Sasuke-kun!_

_**So Lee-kun, Kaa-san, Tou-san, Naruto, Ino-pig, Tsunade-sensei, and Shizune-senpai mean nothing to you. They can all go to hell. You only have the capacity to love one person in the entire universe. Pathetic and cruel.**_

She then put her walls back up, leaving me to contemplate her words.

* * *

I trained a lot more than usual during Lee's absence. With and without Tsunade-sensei. Instead of going home at eleven when out morning taijutsu sessions were over, I would stay and keep on crushing those damn boulders until she returned at five for our evening medical ninjutsu classes. And then, when she left to go home at nine, I insisted on staying out in the training field until midnight. Sure, that meant that I got about five hours of sleep every night, but it kept my busy. Mind and body. I wasn't able to focus on anything but chakra in those weeks while I was alone, and that was how I liked it. It helped me to survive.

Well, that's a little bit of a lie. I have the ability to concentrate on more than one thing…like mail. Sometime in the middle of the week, every week, there would be a letter from my Lee-kun waiting for me, taped to my bedroom door. Despite my masochistic, self-imposed exhaustion, I still had the capacity to feel a sliver of excitement swell up in my chest, along with a wave of pleasure running through the rest of my body. I would always rip the envelope off my door and tear it open right then and there, not bothering to wait until I got into the safety and privacy of my own room. If there was a chance that I could feel warm, even just for a little while, I wanted it. Besides, my second self was so much more cheerful when reading a new letter.

His letters may as well have been love letters. Though at the beginning and end he always told me that the mission was going well, sometimes adding some amazing thing that one of his teammates had done to an enemy, the bulk of his messages consisted of him telling me that he missed me and worried for me. It was flattering—I'd never gotten love letters before. Sure, the sender was all wrong for me, but like they say, it's the thought that counts.

So basically, my life consisted of sleeping, eating, training, and reading. I must say, I was quite the interesting creature when left to fend for myself. But if anything can be said for my insane schedule, it helped me to survive. Helped me to keep my mind off of each passing second. And since I was refusing to concentrate on what time and day it was, it surprised me immensely when my mother asked oh-so-nonchalantly one morning, "Sakura, how long do you think it's been since Lee set off on that mission of his?"

It was at that very moment that I heard my second favorite sound in the world.

**Ding-dong.**

I jumped out of my seat and left my food where it was, knocking my chair over in my haste. I ran out of the kitchen, through the front room, wrenched open the front door…

And glomped the milkman.

My mother had given me a hard time about that one. And like the good little daughter I was, I promised not to glomp anyone until I was sure that it was the one I wanted to be glomping.

But of course, I didn't manage to keep my promise. The next time the doorbell rang, I lost control of my body again. This time, the one who ended up receiving my affections was a Girl Scout trying to sell us cookies. Needless to say, we weren't able to buy any. And this time, rather than giving me a lecture, Kaa-san bonked me on the head with a rolling pin. Surely now I would look before I leapt.

Wrong again. You're really bad at this game. No, it took me two more attempts to get it right—the third try was a Jehovah's Witness.

It really didn't occur to me that Lee-kun would be dead-tired when he came to meet me. I seriously hadn't expected him to come right over to my house after arriving in Konoha. I'd thought he would come to find me after reporting to Tsunade-sama and resting up a bit. It had never occurred to me that he thought my relief was more important that his physical health. So it surprised me to no end when he fell right over when I threw myself at him. I'd expect him to _at least _catch me.

But still, even though he was unconscious on my front stoop and I'd smacked my overly-large forehead on the pavement, I felt better than I had in months. If I was _surviving_ while he was gone, now I was truly _living_.

* * *

**_...Uh, yeah. Any questions? I like this chap better than the last one, but not as much as the Christmas one. Oh well...i wish this was longer...sigh._**

**_Love you all!  
Miyazaki A2_**


	13. Our Relationship

In my head, it was almost a good thing that Lee-kun had left me alone for so long. Dealing with his absence helped me to discover how to deal with Sasuke-kun's absence. Just don't think about it. Don't think about anything but what you're doing at that very moment. Breathe when you have to breathe, walk when you have to walk. Only think about you-know-who when you can't avoid it. That is how you'll survive.

It was easier than I'd thought it would be to ignore the pain in my chest. It was almost as if attention was a poison, just like my Lee-kun was an antidote. Really, this realization made my life a bit easier. It kept most—but of course not all—of the pain away while I was separated from my private sunshine. And when I was with him, I wasn't as distracted by the lack of pain as I usually was. Now I could just focus so much more on Lee-kun as a person. I mean, of course I already saw him as a person—don't get me wrong—but now there were not _nearly _as many distractions.

As I avoided thinking about you-know-who, I found myself falling out of the masochistic habits that I had taken up in the times of my solitude—for example, I completely stopped greeting and kissing the Team Seven picture when I woke up. I even stopped looking at it, for the most part. I could never turn it facedown, though, which was alright by me. After all, I didn't want to _forget _you-know-who. I just didn't want to _think _about him. That's all.

While all of this was going on in my head, Lee-kun and I were falling back into our old routines. Obachan and Ojisan were happy to take us back as customers over at that cute little diner, and they even gave me my extra-spicy curry when we told them why I had to eat it. (Though of course Obachan made this big speech about how much she had missed Ojisan when he had to go on a long delivery one time, and how she had jumped on him when he came home. Lee-kun had given me a funny look at that point.)

"Sakura?"

The dropping of the formal suffix caught me off guard, tugging me out of my thoughts faster than I could take my next breath. I looked up from the bite of the terrifyingly-hot food that I was about to take to see him scowling at the table, his fist clenched around his spoon.

"What is it, Lee-kun?" I whispered, watching as his grip tightened just a little.

"What...what is it that you…want from me?"

I blinked at him for a couple of seconds. All I could think was: _What an odd question. _"What do you mean?"

He flinched away from my voice, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. "What do you want me to be?"

Neither of my minds could even begin in comprehend what he was getting at. So, when in doubt, I said the first thing that wandered onto my tongue. "Yourself, of course. What else could you be? A punk rocker?"

His head lowered a little bit, shrouding his features in shadows from his nighttime hair. "Right," he said as he started eating again. His face was completely blank, which worried me. He even ate faster than usual, not even seeming to taste the food as he put it in his mouth. Something was wrong with him, that much was obvious. But…I was selfish and scared, so I just averted my gaze and hoped that if I ignored it, it would just go away.

So that's what I did. I ignored Lee-kun's obvious pain just as easily as I ignored my own. I figured that if he could heal me just with his inner sunshine, then surely I must be doing something for him with _my _presence. Everything would be okay, just as long as I didn't dwell on the pain, mine _or _his.

But…I was wrong. His pain didn't seem to want to go away. Although most of the time he was his happy and sunny self, there would be moments when clouds would seem to drift over his sun, making him get quiet and thoughtful. These moments when his features would cloud over and his voice would darken frightened me—they reminded me of when he had been injured by that boy from Suna. Which, again, frightened me. I hated the idea that he was suffering like that again, but I still tried to rationalize that it couldn't be lasting. Clouds always go away. I focused on my breathing and kept on hoping that I had an inner breeze, something that could blow away his clouds.

This kept going for a few months. Before I knew what to do with myself, we were training for yet another Chunin Exam—except this time, Lee-kun was more like a sensei than a training partner.

We were taking a break. (Well, I was taking a break while he waited for me—if he had the choice, we would've kept going until one of us had gotten hurt again.) I was trying to catch my breath while he…was just sitting there, staring at the sky. His face was completely and unnervingly blank.

I decided to try to make conversation—after all, my voice always seemed to be able to force some cheerfulness out of him. "I'm going to have some major bruising when I wake up tomorrow morning," I said in a teasing voice, sinking onto my back, bracing my shoulders against the tree that Lee-kun and I leaned on.

"Sorry," he said blankly, still looking at the sky. He didn't even give me that relieved smile that he always reserved just for me when I made fun of him.

Now I was _really _scared. My voice was just a little hysterical as I laughed and said, "Don't be. I'm sure you at least have a red mark on your shoulder now. I can't believe I actually managed to land a hit!"

He nodded. "You're getting better." Still. So. Freaking. Blank.

I couldn't take it anymore. His pain hurt a million times worse than my own did, even if I didn't focus on it. I had to help him, because he obviously wasn't healing on his own. "_Lee?"_

My terrified shriek finally got through to him. The life returned to his eyes as he finally looked at me. "What's wrong, Sakura-san?" he asked urgently, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Does something hurt?"

"Not me. Nothing's wrong with me. What's wrong with _you_?"

"Me?" He blinked at me for a second, and then winced a little, averting his gaze to the ground. I sat up straighter as he removed his hand from my bare shoulder. "I'm fine, Sakura-san," he said quietly, though thankfully his voice was full of emotion…though of course it wasn't anything close to happiness. "I'm just trying to figure something out."

"What is it? Tell me so I can help."

"I don't think you'll like it."

"Screw what I'll like! Tell me anyways," I replied brashly. I squared my shoulders. "What are you trying to figure out?"

"What I mean to you. What you need me to be for you."

I blinked, shocked. After that set in, I whimpered a little bit, pretty much speechless. No, no, no. This was wrong. Our relationship was supposed to be wordless, _easy. _We weren't supposed to have to talk about it to understand. Talking would mean dwelling, and dwelling would mean pain. I should've just kept my mouth shut.

"Lee-kun…I don't know what you want me to say."

He gave me a sad smile. I tried to remind myself that this was just as hard for him as it was for me. "Just tell me what you need."

_Sasuke-kun _was my first thought, but just like with kissing his photo, that response just seemed habitual. What did I _really _need? _**Lee-kun's smile. **_Okay, well that wouldn't happen until I gave him an answer.

Again, I just said the first thing that tumbled out of my lips. "I need _you_. I need my best friend."

Something in his eyes changed. He grinned his goofy grin. "Then that's what I'll be!" he shouted as he gave me a nice guy pose. "As long as you need me."

_**Notice how he hasn't said a word about his own wants and needs. You will always come before him in his mind.**_

He then stood up, pulled me by my hand into a standing position, and then smiled serenely. "Can you heal muscles that you've torn?"

"Yeah. That's relatively easy."

"Okay, then this time I want you to come at me with your chakra scalpel."

And just like that, our relationship-defining conversation was over.

After that, things started to go back to a state that one could call normal, if you believe in that sort of thing. I altogether _stopped _thinking about you-know-who. Doing that made things so much easier, except for those devastating moments when I would slip up and allow his name to slip through my defenses. But that hardly mattered. Life was better now that I was ignoring my pain and the existence of the boy who caused it. Sure, it felt a little numb at times, but numbness is better than pain.

And for some odd reason, after inadvertently telling Lee that all I wanted from him was a platonic relationship, we somehow became closer. Don't ask my howthe hell _that _worked out. Because, the only thing that really matters in the long run is that we _did _become closer. As long as I still looked forward to him all week and still enjoyed having him around, nothing mattered. Life was consistent, and that was good.

* * *

**_Okay, this pretty much came out of nowhere. Don't hate me for this weird chappy. But you know, Lee is human, too. He has insecurities. He wanted to know where he and Sakura stood, and now he does. He didn't get the answer he wanted, but now he knows how to handle her. _:)**

**_Wow, this came out fast! I am actually sort of happy with how this came out, too. Sure, it's WAY too serious for my fluff-loving self, but whatever. Deal with it._**

**_BTW, i already have the ending of this fic planned out. And i will warn you now that if you haven't read _Breathing _and _New Life_, my ending with Confuse and/or Dissapoint you. So prepare your minds. _:D**

**_See ya.  
Miyazaki A2_**

**_P.S. I have little to no idea what the hell the next chappy is going to be about. _:-(**


	14. Bandages

**_w00t! Another longish chap! 2272 words! Yatta!_**

* * *

"Are you going to let go of my face any time soon?" I asked as I fumbled in the darkness caused by his bandaged hands. I wasn't sure why he was bothering to hide my eyes—I already knew that we were on the road to his apartment. But I played along for the most part. It wasn't as if I _minded _the way his rough fingertips felt on the delicate skin of my eyelids.

"Soon, Sakura-san, soon. Work with me."

I lightly touched the back of one of his hands to balance myself—I could feel him shiver at my touch. I remember thinking that it was quite interesting that I could make him shiver even on a mid-July afternoon. "I already _know _where we're going, Lee-kun."

I could feel his inconsistent breath in my hair as he chuckled at my rebellious tone. "If you won't work with me, then at least _humor _me."

I sighed much too loudly than necessary, causing Lee-kun to chuckle again.

It really didn't take us that long to get to his apartment, though it would have been much faster if I'd been walking by my own power—but that's not exactly important. What _is _important is what the inside of Lee-kun's apartment _looked like _that day. He'd pushed all of the furniture up against the walls, and there were streamers all over the place, all of his favorite colors—orange, red, blue, and of course green. And hung from the ceiling was a bright banner that read "CONGRATULATIONS, CHUNIN!" in big red letters.

I looked over at Lee-kun, who was grinning madly. "Are you serious?" I asked.

"It's not a lot—no one else felt like coming—but it should be fun. I found a station where they play nothing but nothing but party music." He laughed. "And there's cake."

_**Cake! **_"Well then, what are we standing _here _for?" I said, grabbing his wrist and tugging him inside.

Before that day, I would've said that a two-person party would be a snooze-fest, but I also would've been wrong. Rock Lee knew how to throw a party. He could make it seem exciting and pulse-pumping, even though he and I were the only people there. I laughed a lot at that little celebration. Everything just seemed funny for some reason. As Lee-kun spun me around by my fingertips talking about how that now that we were both chunin, we would be able to go on missions together, I just kept giggling. He chuckled too, especially when the Macarena kept coming on.

"This station is on a loop!" he said, sending me a sarcastic glance. "They play fifteen random fast songs, and then go back to the Macarena."

"Never thought you to be a conspiracy theorist," I replied, barely even concentrating on my movements.

"Go ahead and count the songs until this one plays again."

If I replied in any way but the affirmative, this would surely turn into a wager—spending so much time with Tsunade-sensei was giving me a gambling itch, much to the despair of Shizune-senpai. So I just nodded and finished that demeaning dance. Once it was over, I hurried to turn off the radio.

"Didn't want to prove me right?" Lee-kun muttered, still dancing to whatever little tune was always playing inside that odd head of his. I watched as his body moved with that nameless rhythm, and for some reason, I wasn't sure whether to laugh and look away or to join him. Both options were highly appealing, but only the first seemed feasible.

So I giggled behind my hand and averted my gaze. "No, that's not it!" I scrambled for an excuse. "I, uh…wanted to try some of that cake that you promised me!"

And without a word, he cheerfully flitted away to the kitchen.

* * *

Somehow, in the midst of what followed, Lee-kun ended up sprawled out on the carpet of his living room, and for some reason I thought it was okay to put my plate on the hard surface of his toned chest. By now he'd changed out of his jumpsuit into a mint-green-paint-spotted white t-shirt and a pair of olive-green sweatpants. He kept his arm bandages on though, which bugged me for some reason. It didn't go with the rest of his apparel. His clothes said that he was home-Lee, but those damn bandages reminded me of when he was ninja-Lee. I mean, even I was out of my ninja clothes—I now wore a pair of blue-jean cutoffs and a raspberry tank top—so what was his problem? I was going to say something to this effect, but Lee-kun beat me to the vocal punch.

"I've known you for a year," he said, his words making my plate bounce a little. A few crumbs tumbled onto his paint-stained shirt as he chuckled at the thought.

"I've known you for a year, too," I said quietly, carefully picking up each individual crumb and flicking it away. _**Onto the carpet. Where would we be without you, baka-chan?**_

Lee-kun turned his face—letting his cheek rub up against my bare knee—to look at me. "I can't believe how much things have changed in just one year."

I picked up a chunk of cake and dropped it into his grateful mouth. "Yeah. When I first met you, I probably would've punched you out if you'd told me, 'Just think, Sakura-san. Someday you might eat cake off my chest.'" I laughed and pointed at the aforementioned cake. "This is a little creepy when you say it out loud."

He nodded, crinkling up his eyes and blushing.

"But hey, Lee-kun?" He looked up at me, smiling expectantly. "Hey, I'm sorry for being so mean to you when we first met. I judged you based on your looks, and that was wrong of me. I'm so sorry about that."

He surprised me by laughing gently. "Don't worry about it, Sakura-san," he said, unconsciously leaning into my knee again. "That is in the past. We were different people back then."

I didn't know what to say to that, mainly because of how true it was. I _did _feel like a different person from the bubbly, long-haired genin that had so easily ignored that green-clad boy's promises of eternal affection and protection, the girl that had thoughtlessly made fun of everything that I could now hardly live without. So, speechless, I nodded and stuffed more sugary goodness into my mouth.

After about ten minutes of comfortable silence, I found myself bothered by Lee-kun's bandages again. After all, I have a bit of a one-track mind. I have to make up for the fickleness of my second mind somehow, right? Eventually I took my plate off of his chest and replaced it with his closest hand. Lee-kun, who may have been asleep, opened his eyes at the movement and cheerfully asked me what I was doing. I replied with a question of my own.

"Do you wear these all the time?"

"Wear what?"

"These bandages."

"Oh, those? Yeah, except for when I bathe."

"Even when you _sleep?_"

He shrugged indifferently.

"Why do you wear them at all? For your Lotus attacks, right?"

He nodded, confusion towards my attention quite clear on his face.

"Well, then why do wear them at home?"

He gave me a blatantly incredulous look, one eyebrow raised so far up that it disappeared under his disheveled bangs. "Sakura-san, have you ever _seen _my arms?"

I didn't even have to think. "Nope. I think Naruto did once, but he didn't give any details. All he said was that you trained more that Sasuke-kun." It didn't hurt very much to say his name, not while I was so close to my Lee-kun.

Lee-kun looked like he would've preferred that none of us had ever seen his skin…which of course made me curious.

"So, uh," I mumbled, picking up his hand and studying his rough fingertips. I moved his hand to the side to reveal one of my eyes to him. "So, can _I_ see your arms?"

He visibly paled and I could feel his arm tense up. I could see it in his dark eyes that he had to concentrate on not snatching his hand away from me. "I'm really not sure if that's a good idea, Sakura-san."

_**A bit self-conscious, isn't he?**_my second mind murmured, helping me to tighten my grip on his hand.

"C'mon, Lee-kun. It's not like I'm going to think any less of you. I just want to see you without any barriers. Just this once. Please?" As I said them, the words suddenly seemed very true.

He bit his lip, taking his hand from me. "Someday," he said. "Someday I'm going to figure out how to say _no _to those beautiful eyes of yours." As he spoke, he started unraveling the bandage on his right arm. It took him a minute or two, either because he was going purposefully slowly or because the bandage was ridiculously long—or both. But after those couple of minutes, his arm was completely bare.

He sat up and gave his hand back to me. "Ugly, isn't it?" he mumbled, referring to the mountain range of scars that criss-crossed all over his skin, making sickening patterns of wear and tear. Rather than replying, I ran my finger over the biggest scar, the one that dragged from the side of his wrist to the inside of his elbow. I winced as I imagined how much blood there must've been when this scar was fresh.

"This is what being a taijutsu master does to your body…?" I looked up to meet his gaze. "Lee, does your entire _body _look like this?"

He laughed sheepishly. "No, not my _entire _body. Just my limbs." When my eyebrows shot up, he laughed a little harder. "My legs aren't as bad, though. Don't worry."

I shot a quick glance to his sweat pants.

Before Lee-kun could cover up his scars again, I grabbed the bandages, bunched it up in my fist, and threw it across the room. And before he could respond to the action, I grabbed his other hand and started unraveling that bandage too. He gave me a self-conscious smile and let me continue, wincing as I revealed a dark, fresh bruise. I pulled the rest of it off quickly, and threw it aside as quickly as if it were a poisonous snake.

It was at that moment—the moment when there were no barriers between us and he was just a boy and I was just a girl—that I realized that falling in love with him would not be very hard if I would just take off the bandages on my heart and let him see me for what I really was, too. I had several reactions to the realization—and not all of them were all that positive. But on the whole, I was okay with it. There wasn't any shame in realizing that I had the capacity to love him. Besides, I liked being around him too much to cut off our relationship just because it was changing.

Lee-kun lied back down on the carpet, closing his dark eyes. It was at that moment that his cuckoo-clock chimed out eleven times. Was it _really _that late? I hadn't even noticed the passing time, and that was just _weird. _Whoever said that time flies when you're having fun knew _exactly _what he was talking about.

"I should probably take you home," Lee-kun murmured, not moving to follow his suggestion.

"Says who?" I asked, earning a closed-eyed just-for-me smile.

"Conventional society," he chuckled, turning a light shade of pink.

"What the hell does _that _mean, _best friend?_"

He rewarded me with a deep blush. "N-n-nothing a-a-at all, S-S-Sakura-san."

His stutter very nearly made me lose my cool and start laughing. Instead, I yawned and got on my stomach, positioning myself so that the two of our bodies formed a right angle. "Now, _do _tell me how convention would keep me, a girl who lives on the other side of town, from sleeping over with you, my best _friend. _You're not suggesting that—"

He got out of the conversation by letting out a loud snore.

"Oh, I know you're still awake." I yawned again. "But whatever. If you're asleep, then I still can't go home. It's pitch-black, and I have absolutely no sense of direction."

"Lose-lose situation," he muttered in between snores.

"You're telling me," I said, letting my eyes droop shut.

* * *

I really should sleep near Lee-kun more often. Not only did I _not _have a nightmare, but the sleep was actually _pleasant, _full of the warmth that kept me alive for so long and not just the heat of summer.

Of course, when Lee-kun brought me home Sunday morning, he might as well have been throwing me to the lions. But it didn't matter. I was content. Unlike the broken little girl that Lee-kun had rescued from her own frigid bedroom, it did not hurt to say goodbye anymore, no matter what was on the other side of my front door. Last night's realization—the idea that I would just unwrap my heart and let Lee in, I could have the love that every little girl dreams of—made me feel strong, brave. I wasn't ready to unwrap my heart all the way, but as I watched Lee-kun walk away, knowing that he would always come back for me, I decided to just take off the first loop of the bandage.

_**The first of many, eh, baka-chan?**_

I giggled. _We'll see, nee-chan._

* * *

**_(A/N)_**

**_I must say, this chapter is my pride and joy. So full of symbolic, semi-romantic, flirty crap that i could just DIE...in a good way, of course. :-) In all seriousness, i'm not sure what other people will think, but that doesn't matter. I lurv this chappy so, so much! ((hugs chappy.))_**

**_If you recognize a sentence from _Breathing, _you get a cookie!_****_  
Miyazaki A2_**


	15. Proposal

**_Hate to do this to you lovely people, but this is the last chappy of _Saturday. _I talked it over with Inner Aitu (my muse) and we agreed that it would get boring if i dragged this out any longer. So, i really hope you like this. I am actually quite satisfied with it. So...enjoy!! _**

* * *

Several weeks after realizing that I _could _love Lee-kun, I also discovered that I _wanted _to. I wanted him to be able to look at me and know that I, too, would always come home to him. I wanted to hold him close to me, not because I was sad or even just happy, but because I wanted him near me. Sasuke-kun's love hardly mattered anymore—if he'd had any interest, he would've taken me with him to Orochimaru. No matter what Sasuke-kun was thanking me for, he didn't want me.

But Lee-kun did. In fact, I think he might've _needed _me. Well, at least _that _feeling was always mutual.

As I began to realize this, even my _pain _started to feel habitual. Sasuke-kun's name was just a taboo for my systems…my lungs, especially. My lungs really seemed to _hate _that boy's name. I guess it was because of the rest of how insistent my body was on _not _breathing whenever my mental watchdog slipped up on her guard duty and allowed his name to slip through all my defenses.

On that note, I think my lungs really _liked _Lee. Maybe that's because, around him, I didn't _have _to remind myself to breathe. I didn't have to remind myself to do anything. Everything just came naturally, easily. That was always how it was with me and Lee-kun.

The year after that went by much too quickly for my preferences. I unwrapped my heart a little more each Saturday. The bandages looped around more times than I'd originally assumed. I didn't realize it at the time, but during that month where Lee-kun was gone and I thought that I was _healing _because of it, I was really just wrapping up my heart so tight that it would no longer ache to be alone. But…those bandages also worked to keep Lee from getting under my skin, just so that on the off chance that he ever decided to leave me for good, it wouldn't hurt as bad as when Sasuke-kun did. Those bandages are the things that kept me from truly loving Lee-kun, and I wanted them gone, fast.

It was easier to take them off than I thought they'd be, too…as long as I took them all while near Lee-kun. If I got hasty and tried to remove them alone in my bedroom, they took on the characteristics of band-aids. Meaning, if I tried to remove them, it hurt like the dickens. They would stick to my heart and tug at my heartstrings, refusing to come off without causing me immense pain. So, I kept that little healing process to Saturdays, when it was easy and natural.

I remember everything about that wonderful year, but at the same time, I don't remember _everything. _I remember feeling dull for long drags of time, and then suddenly being surrounded by warmth and irresistible _happiness. _At the time, it was the happiest year of my life. (Though I have had happier.)

But, that being said, there is one day that will never be erased or dulled from my mind. That day that I took off the last bandage and blurred the last line, changing the both of us past all recognition. The day he'd given me white heathers instead of the usual daisy, the day I finally had the inner strength to let go of the dark-haired, black-eyed boy that had broken my heart so long ago and just tell Lee-kun that I—

"Sakura-chan?"

My darling beau's voice pulls me out of my favorite memory. I look into his dark, adoring eyes, waiting patiently.

"Zoned out again?" he murmurs, poking me in the forehead.

I smile sheepishly, blushing. "Yeah. Sorry."

He turns his face towards our lake. "What do I have to do to keep you with me…?"

His unintentionally seductive purr causes the omnipresent warmth in my chest to flare up in a sudden burst of pleasure that is very nearly painful. "I'm always with you, Lee-kun. You know that."

"Even in your mind?"

"Both of them."

I remember the first time I told Lee that I had two minds. I think he was about two steps away from scheduling an exorcism for me. Now, though, he just takes it in stride, like the rest of my flaws.

_**You think I'm a flaw?**_

_A term of affection, nee-chan. Pinky swear._

"Sakura-chan?"

"I'm here, I'm here," I say, purposefully meeting his warm gaze.

"Sakura-chan…I wanted to ask you something."

His serious tone catches me off-guard. This place, this sacred lake of ours where I first opened my heart to him, is a place where neither of us has to be serious. This is our sanctuary from the outside world. Surely he doesn't plan on jeopardizing this.

"Uh, go ahead."

His words come out in a barely intelligible rush. "Do you love me?!"

_**What an incredibly stupid question. **_

"What an incredibly stupid question. Of course I do."

"I know, but do you _love _me?"

Somehow, despite the countless times I've told his that I love him more than the rest of the universe combined, he's managed to hold onto the idea that he'll wake up at any moment…or worse, that he is just a replacement for Sasuke. I really have to fix that little glitch in his brain.

I grab his chin and crush my lips to his in a desperate, urgent kiss. Lee-kun gasps a tiny bit, giving me the perfect opportunity to deepen the kiss just a bit. He kisses me back for eagerly a minute or so, and I can feel his disappointment when I pull away.

"Lee-kun," I say, still holding onto his chin so that he is forced to look me in the eye. Slowly, I break from his worried gaze and move my face to press my lips to his ear. "You mean the world to me. Nothing will ever take that truth away."

He envelops me in his arms, pulling me dangerously close to him.

"So…that being said…Sakura-chan, what would you say if I…asked you to m…m…marry me?"

The question doesn't exactly catch me off-guard. I've been wondering when he would finally gain the self-confidence to ask. Still, I pull away from his embrace and scoot to his side, leaving a foot of space between the two of us. I stare at him for twenty-seven long seconds before finally deciding on my reply.

"That depends. What would you do if I said…_no_?"

He looks up at me with just the ghost of a smile on his lips. His eyes are filled with understanding and just a little sadness. I hate to see his eyes like that, so I'm a little relieved when he averts his gaze to look up at the sky. "Well…I would be a little hurt at first…but I would accept it immediately. I would stay with you and keep loving you and protecting you…and I would wait until I thought you _were_ ready. And then I would ask a second time." He moves his eyes to look directly into mine, the unrelenting force in them sending sizzling tingles up and down my spine. "And if you refused, I would start over. I would keep asking until you agreed…or left me."

"I would _never_ leave you," I say sharply, making a bit of joy light up his dark eyes.

"But you understand my point."

I nod and break from his gaze by looking at the Creatures' Lake. "That is a very good, well-thought-out answer." I paused for just a couple of heartbeats. "And what you do if I said _yes_?"

His pause is only a few seconds long. After the small silence, I hear his low, throaty chuckle. "I would give you this."

I look back at him to see him holding out a small back box in the palm of his hand. Without thinking or meeting his gaze, I take it from him and pop the lid back, impatient as always.

Waiting to greet me is a thin silver ring with a medium-sized, rounded emerald at the top. Etched in the silver are intertwining lotuses and cherry blossoms. Whoever made this must've had to give hours and hours of undivided attention. And the person who bought it…I send a sidelong glance towards my Lee-kun, who gazes at the ring in my hands with and odd mixture of hope and pride in his dark eyes.

Carefully, so carefully, I take the ring out of its box and hold it in front of my eyes, watching the sunlight glint off of the smooth emerald, sending shimmering streaks of green onto my pale hand. I smile. If Lee was still a chunin, he wouldn't have been able to afford this. Maybe that's why he was so pumped when he got summoned to the Konhagakure Jonin Exams…

"That's a very good, well-thought-out answer, too," I say without facing him. I sat there, silently staring at his gift for another minute, before I finally turned to face him full-on. _Well?_ my eyes ask him silently.

He nods, taking the ring from me. He looks deeply into my eyes, and I find it quite difficult not to get lost in those dark, adoring circles.

"Sakura," he says, dropping the affectionate suffix in this deathly serious moment. "You are my all and my only. You are all I ever wanted and the only one I ever wanted. Just looking at you makes my heart feel warm and light. Being with you makes me happier than I ever thought I would be. But…Sakura, it would make me a thousand, no, a _million_ times happier if I every time I heard your name, I knew that you were mine, and that no one else could look at you like that. Please…Sakura, will you marry me?"

He holds out the ring to me. I look at it, and then Lee, and then the ring again. "Lee," I murmur, looking up to meet his gaze, tears in my eyes, "Nothing in the world would make me happier!"

I throw myself at him, knocking him onto the ground. By now, tears are flowing down both our faces. But at the same, we're laughing harder than we've ever laughed, almost hysterically. I kiss him, letting his laughter into my mouth, laughing back with him. I doubt that either of us has ever known happiness like this. I can't even explain how plain and simply _happy _I am when he slips that little ring of his onto the fourth finger on my left hand. I'm pretty much blind because of the tears, but I can still see his grin. And my favorite sound in the world, his laugh, still rings in my ears.

_**Rock Sakura, eh? Got a nice ring to it.**_

_Much better than Uchiha Sakura. How lame is that name?_

_**Absolutely no character. I can't believe you ever wanted that name.**_

_Me? You were the one who loved him!_

_**Did not! **_

_Yeah, yeah._

It really doesn't even matter whether or not I truly loved Sasuke. He's gone. I'm not even sure why I thought of him in this moment. He doesn't matter, not now of all times.

I look at Lee-kun, my sweet, lovable fiancée, and smile. I know where I belong. It is not in the past, and it is _not _with Sasuke. It's right here, beside my Lee. From Saturday to Saturday and every day between.

* * *

**_Gah! The cheesiness! It's too much!_**

**_Well, guys, this has been fun. I set out to give Lee and Sakura closure, and that is waht i think i accomplished. If you think i ended this fic much too quickly, well...sorry. I like it. Besides, 15 chapters is more than i ever planned on doing, so there._**

**_See you next Fic.  
Miyazaki A2_**


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